


sympathy in the form of you

by nineonefive



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M, beware for a rollercoaster of emotions i guess, but then again not based on all in, inspired by all in's mv, so i guess if you're tired of all the all in stories come drop by here, uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 14:52:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6911638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nineonefive/pseuds/nineonefive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the fact that minhyuk and hyungwon had to be intimately close to each other in their new music video doesn't help the fact that minhyuk was hopelessly in love with the latter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. a fluttering heart

**Author's Note:**

> also found on asianfanfics under my pseud, baekheui.

Minhyuk's laid down on his bed in the band's dormitory, getting all of the rest he can draft at that single moment for himself after Monsta X's manager had pestered him to do so after his treatment in the hospital. "You've got a music video to shoot next week," the manager had claimed. "Not anything rough, since Changkyun's not in top notch condition as well; but you could read through the script and start remembering what you're going to do."

A ream of papers stapled at one corner was now lying on Minhyuk's bedside table as the latter eyed it warily. It had been lying there for the past two days, accompanied by the blond's mindset on how he probably just wouldn't read it and was just going to wing his acting the next week. The male was invested in watching gamers play 'Sudden Attack', his current favorite pastime, on his phone when he's interrupted by Hyungwon unlocking the door to his room; he stood in the doorway, unmoving as Minhyuk's eyes locked with the brunet's.

"Have you read it yet?" the standing male queried, gesturing to the script beside Minhyuk. No greeting, just that single, pointed question. Minhyuk took a quick glance at the papers again.

"Uh, yeah," he lied.

"No, you haven't." Hyungwon confirmed. "Do it. Call me after." The sound of the door closing then finalized the abrupt conversation of theirs.

Huh. Minhyuk stares at the door for a few seconds, then placed his phone on the table before picking up the packet. Although he didn't intend to read the script at all, Hyungwon had seemed pretty intent on him reading it, like, now, for some reason. So the blond sighs, sits back on his bed and relaxes, and flips to the very first page of the script where umpteen italicised hangul characters were prompting him to comprehend the story behind Monsta X's new video.

By the time Minhyuk had reached _that_ part, his pulse is racing. He feels like he had just been hit by a train, but at the same time, he was stunned and confused with a strangely familiar thrill racing up his spine that he'd rather not think about. He wills the burning flush his cheeks were exposing and clears his head. However, he could work with this. But Hyungwon... What must _Hyungwon_ think of it? He'd seemed almost angry when he entered the room just now. Of all of the reactions Minhyuk would expect out of this, rage seems a little bit too extreme.

With shaking hands, burning skin, and wide eyes still fixed on the script in his lap, Minhyuk swings his legs over the side of the bed, sits up straight as he picked up his phone again, and dials Hyungwon.

 

* * *

 

The idea of being in a cult wasn't exactly the thing that was making Minhyuk shit his pants.

When Hyungwon picks up the call on the second ring, they let silence fall between them for a short moment. The first thing Minhyuk says is, "I'm not done yet, but well, uh. That was interesting."

"I know," the younger man grouses, sounding tired but tense. "I never had anything like that in mind at all for this video."

"Yeah," Something about Hyungwon's obviously disturbed tone leaves Minhyuk strangely... disappointed. The blond shook the feeling off.

"I mean, I doubt that Starship will be making any changes to the script considering how stubborn they are, but..."

Minhyuk could only sigh.

"We aren't even as close as before; why did they pick, out of all the members, just the both of us?" the brunet yet again laments. "I know," Minhyuk soothes, but spoke again, in a more lighthearted tone, "But then again, be glad it's not Shownu on top of you... He's going to be heavy as heck on top of your frail body."

Minhyuk swore he heard Hyungwon cringe across the phone. "Eugh! Dude, don't even put that thought in my head!" The blond apologizes after, and _yes_ , there is a smile in that voice Minhyuk's been listening for. After a couple more minutes of good-natured friend-mocking, Minhyuk hears Hyungwon stifle a yawn (a fucking adorable one, _shit_ ) on the other end of the line. "Listen," the singer says, voice warm and affectionate again, "it's a bit past twelve and we've got schedules at eight, so we should probably get some sleep. Especially you, Hyukkie," Hyungwon pauses after calling his friend by the nickname he used to call him by long ago. "No more binge-watching your Sudden Attack videos. You and your knee needs a lot of rest."

"I told you, I deleted YouTube a week ago!" Minhyuk lies, trying to hide the grin in his own voice.

"Bullshit," Hyungwon yawns again. "You were literally on your phone the moment I opened the door just now, which practically means you had your phone on and in your hand at eleven thirty at night; quod erat demonstrandum, Sudden Attack. Don't try and underestimate my calculative reasoning skills, Hyukkie."

"Ugh, you suck," Minhyuk says, defeated as he pulls himself back comfortably onto his bed against his pillows. "Still love you, though."

_More than you know._

"Yeah, yeah. You're lucky I love you back."

 _Do you?_ "I know," Minhyuk acclaims, however sounding a little more solemn than he intended to. "Nights, 'Wonny." he bids before Hyungwon did the same and hung the call.

Minhyuk watches 4 more gaming videos before his mind is finally calm enough to allow him to rest.

 

* * *

 

When Minhyuk's called to the shooting scene the next week, he found himself under a bridge with the rest of his members. He walks around and sees Hyungwon talking to a few camera guys, who briefly explain what he needed to do for the scene. Having read through this particular scene on the script made Minhyuk whimper just a little bit, for he didn't dare to see someone as fragile as Hyungwon being hit by someone he doesn't know; the blond clenched his fists with a little bit of force just at the thought itself. When Hyungwon catches sight of Minhyuk, he turns and smiles kindly at him behind his thin circular frames.

The shorter male smiles back, but his stomach does an annoying flippy-twitchy thing as Hyungwon walks over casually to him.

"They've got this idea of having your hair be platinum blond for this comeback," Hyungwon says as a greeting, pulling at the strings of his hoodie to shield himself against the early morning chill. "I'd imagine you'll look like Jack Frost from that animated movie. Will you have powers, then?"

"Watched the movie once or twice, don't think I'm a lot like him," Minhyuk crinkles his nose. "Having powers would be a little bit cool, though."

The brunet laughs a little at that. "Just don't let it change you, alright? I kind of like an extroverted Minhyuk better."

"I'll do my best," the latter affirms, clapping him on the shoulder and letting his arm rest lazily there. "Speaking of that, I should probably head over to makeup now. I'll see you in a bit?"

"Yeah, sure. See ya!" and then Hyungwon's walking away towards the crew, hands in the pockets of his jeans and a small spring in his step as always. (Minhyuk most definitely does not check out his ass in those gray skinny jeans.)

The makeup artists immediately made Minhyuk dye his hair, helping him in the process while the other members review the script for the first scene again. It didn't take long– just a mere thirty minutes for the dyeing of his hair– and they were good to go. As Minhyuk checks his new look on a nearby mirror, he brushes his hair a little, feeling the unfamiliar roughness as an aftermath of the chemicals applied onto his hair. When Hyungwon notices him walking towards the group, he looked over, slightly spooked. "Whoa," he exclaims, taking in his friend's appearance: a literal platinum blond hair, a dull-coloured hoodie that fitted it exceedingly well accompanied by black shorts and shoes; this led to the other members turning to look at the vocalist as well and their faces lit up in obvious approval.

"You look younger than me for a change!" Hyungwon told the original blond (because there was _Wonho_ ,) when he reached them. Minhyuk just shrugs at the comment and rubbed his eyes to wake him up from the morning tiredness. The director started calling for the boys to get in their positions for the first scene while the equipment crew started getting in position, preparing for the day's filming.

The first scene went particularly well despite none of the members having any background on acting, earning praise from the cameramen themselves. They took a couple more takes to film at different angles, before moving on to the next scene where Minhyuk dreaded the most taking.

When the director calls, "Action!" for the second scene, Minhyuk writhes into his seating position as all eyes of the members were on the men in black approaching the group. In his head, the blond tried profusely to believe that the scene that he did not hope would ever be acted out, was going to be done so right in front of his eyes. The men voiced out their scripted lines, a tone of seriousness instilled in their voices, and Minhyuk watches as Hyungwon stands up from beside him, his eyes darting to the younger boy naturally. One of the men walks over to him briskly– Minhyuk flinches slightly– and slaps Hyungwon.

The blond knew it was all an act, but still found the act shocking, almost forgetting his own parts, standing up in defense hastily when he remembered so. He maintained a surprised glare, mouth slightly open, remaining so as he sighted the cameramen focusing their cameras on himself in his peripheral view.

Once Minhyuk was so goddamn close to punching that man back in the face, the director yells, "Cut!" and he hears the cameras slowly retreating. He slowly lowers his head, blinking, as he sees the soles of Hyungwon's feet turn around to face him, as tears welled up in his eyes and blurred his vision. The taller male pats him on the shoulder, using a face to raise his head and immediately looked stricken when he sees Minhyuk's tearful eyes. While the others leave the filming area to prepare going to the next one, Hyungwon grabs the shorter one into a desperate hug, surprising him. The blond returns an awkward embrace, winding his arms lightly around the other's gaunt middle.

"Don't cry, Hyukkie. This isn't real, and I'm sure me being hurt reminds you of our trainee days." Hyungwon says, comforting the blond in the embrace. "You have to keep dealing with this for the rest of the video shoot, so hang in there."

Minhyuk sniffles, just ever so softly.

He hadn't expected this reaction from Hyungwon, but as he breathes in the hug and rested his face on his shoulder, he supposes that it's not at all that bad. He'd known this video would be an emotional one to shoot right after finishing the script for the entire storyline of The Clan– he just hadn't anticipated something like this to happen so early in the process. And if anything, he'd pictured himself being the one to break first, not Hyungwon. He never liked seeing Hyungwon break.

 _Just wait till you finally get to be on top of him and hold his hand,_ Minhyuk's traitorous mind whispers, and all at once the nerves he'd manage to shake off for a few hours return with a vengeance.


	2. commiseration

_"The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do.'' -Anonymous_

_***_

The next scene is supposed to be filmed in some sort of a house, and it only needed the blond and the ebony-haired male, so the other five members were dismissed for the time being. It was convenient; everything was packed into buses and the next filming location was just thirty minutes away.  
  


Right after they reached, Minhyuk watched at the makeup artists did their magic such that Hyungwon's face now looked bruised and excessively beaten up, and even though Hyungwon had told him not to think of it, his mind diverted helplessly to the state Hyungwon had been in during their trainee days. He had been working endlessly and tirelessly that he succumbed to only two hours of sleep each day, and as much as Minhyuk advised him not to sacrifice himself so much, it still broke him to notice the ever-growing eyebags that were planted under the brunet's eyes. Hyungwon had considered the blond as a physical form of moral support then. Now, his visuals have improved and he gets more sleep for the sake of being an idol, but Minhyuk swears he is never going to let Hyungwon return to that state again.   
  


The both of them get into position after the makeup artists were done with finishing up and the lights were set to the best possible angle. Minhyuk does his best to get into the mood of worrying about Hyungwon (it isn't hard), while the brunet in front of him puts on a white ski mask carefully, afraid of tainting the colour with his makeup. Minhyuk helps, and gives a signal to Hyun, the director of the entire filming, once he was done. The latter calls out, "Action!" and Minhyuk exudes all of the emotions he can muster for Hyungwon's beaten up state.   
  


The blond starts perturbing the brunet, having a small fight accompanied by dialogue for a while over revealing Hyungwon's makeup under the mask. The latter keeps this up perfectly, dodging all of Minhyuk's wants to snatch at the mask that portrays the personality of someone who didn't want their sufferings to be seen by others. Finally, Hyungwon lets the blond succumb, and Minhyuk holds the ski mask with both hands; the mask was already torn slightly apart, and he wonders whether it was supposed to be a metaphor of how much it has affected Hyungwon's character in the story (to the fact that even his mask wasn't even perfect anymore). He lifted it carefully, revealing the younger male's bruised-up state, and he couldn't help but stare at the person he has been loving for almost four years. He looked perfect, with the dark brown irises staring back into his, and Minhyuk could see all of the guilt in his character's eyes for hiding all his torment from his friends, in particular his best friend.   
  


The stare Minhyuk gives Hyungwon, of both concern and awe, isn't entirely scripted. The latter lifts his head slightly to catch their gazes, and the blond felt like he had been hit by a truck; the thought of whatever the younger male had said to him earlier streaming and flooding his mind, and he got up hastily to scavenge for whatever ways his character can carry out to treat his friend. He leaves the scene without a word, and Hyungwon was left seated on the floor, still surrounded by his own afflicted agony and silence.  
  


"Cut! Perfect, guys. Absolutely perfect," Hyun gushes, reviewing the footage. "You two are making me emotional over here. Nicely done."   
  


Hyungwon gets up after the cameras click with a smile on his face, clearly showing how he didn't let anything negative affect him. He sees Minhyuk standing at a corner of the filming area with crossed arms and he was biting a nail nervously, and didn't hesitate to approach him.  
  


"Hey."  
  


When Minhyuk didn't respond nor lifted his head to acknowledge the brunet, Hyungwon continues, "You did great, don't worry."  
  


"Dude, I'm sorry for not being of much help back then," the blond laments, bringing his hand down from his mouth and circling both arms tighter around himself. "I should have taken care of you better, I should have made your life easier then."   
  


Hyungwon looks at him, understanding in his dark-brownish eyes. "It's okay, Hyukkie." he says, almost timidly, afraid of saying anything to break the older male. "You were my best friend then. As different as it seems, you were the only person whom I can actually freely talk to; it just felt weird to approach the others, like as if they didn't really need me. However, just your presence made me continue realising my purpose in training to become an idol."  
  


Minhyuk's heart leaps into his chest.  
  


"I trained for what felt like forever, it somehow felt so long to me. I did all that to myself so that Starship could see how much effort I had put in to debut. But they turned a blind eye to it, and I was left like some puppy with injuries after getting into a fight or something," the brunet continues. "But miraculously, you noticed my efforts in doing so and since then I have been so grateful for you." Hyungwon's hand grazed over Minhyuk's lightly and the latter could only hold his breath at the attention. "As much as I hid it, it didn't really feel right onstage with the others. But when you were there... Not having you there made it so much harder, to be honest."  
  


This both sounds and feels like a three a.m. confession, complete with the averted gazes and lightly flushed cheeks in the both of them, and and Minhyuk's heart just _longs_. He wants so badly to press Hyungwon against the wall behind him and kiss him and tell him exactly how amazing he is; he's wanted to do that since the day he met the brunet, really. Singing "All in, my body and heart / My time and money" in the studio wasn't hard, since Minhyuk just thought of him all the time.  
  


"I wanted so bad to help you," the blond nearly whispers, dipping his head and staring at their knees. He feels Hyungwon glance at him. "Every time I approached you with my cheer to say hi, or whatever, I felt like I was bothering you or something. I didn't wanna feel like I was dragging you down even further by being oblivious to how much you were suffering."  
  


There's silence for a few long, torturous seconds before Hyungwon finally murmurs, "Minhyuk." His tone is indecipherable, but it's definitely weighted with either gratitude, or guilt.   
  


"I would look out for you from out of the corner of my eye," Minhyuk swallows hard and continued. "Each time you stumbled or something, I... The others would always be the ones to notice first and help you up. And you would smile in gratitude and continue practicing like you were floating on clouds or something. I was sure you'd never needed me to help you in anything..." his voice trails off into oblivion, but Hyungwon gets what he's trying to say and illustrates his understanding with a gentle squeeze of Minhyuk's thin fingers.   
  


All at once, this music video doesn't seem like such a bad idea anymore.   
  


When everything was packed up, the two of them head back to the bus and spent the whole ride in comfortable silence, sharing a pair of earbuds and watching the scenic view pass by the bus windows at seventy miles per hour. Minhyuk can't remember the last time he felt this content with his crush in the past 4 years.

 

 

* * *

 

  
"Hey, you look pretty tired. Did you get lesser sleep than usual last night?"   
  


Minhyuk gives Wonho a tight-lipped smile across the bus as the group of seven has their breakfast in their hands. Shownu and Changkyun are discussing on how the latter's rap in "All In" could be better, especially since their comeback was in a week's time, and the leader suggested on that discussion so that the others could practice the dance routine whenever they were able to move freely in an open space. In the meantime, Jooheon, Kihyun and Hyungwon are busy absorbed in the "Candy Crush" game on their iPads (which Changkyun complains is "super out-to-date!"), frantically trying to beat each other's high score and also to disturb each other, creating a bit of a chaos in the bus.   
  


"Filming just wore me out, hyung," he lies. taking a small bite off his sandwich.  
  


"Right," the older blond says with a nod. He morsels out the bread in his hands, popping a piece into his mouth and looks at Minhyuk with a dangerous curiosity in his gaze. "What's the video really about, anyway? I haven't read the entire script yet."  
  


Minhyuk gulps down a mouthful of lukewarm milk and blames that for the slight grimace that twists his face at Wonho's question. "It's kind of complicated," he says finally, forcing another smile for his friend.  
  


"Complicated?" Wonho says incredulously with a piece of bread halfway into his mouth. He looked skeptical. "Since when are we able to act _that_ well?"   
  


Minhyuk wants to laugh at that blatant lie he just told him (it wasn't really a lie, more of like he didn't want to tell the hyung about _that_ scene), but instead he just winces. "It's not that complicated as it might sound," the younger blond offers weakly. Wonho quirks an accusing eyebrow at him, unfazed. "Just.. A lot of things happening all at once." Minhyuk wasn't entirely lying about that.  
  


"What kind of things?"  
  


"Like.. there's a scene where all of us are in a cult? I dunno, man; the preparations for that are still in progress, though, so if the staff hasn't mentioned anything about it yet, that's why."   
  


Something about Minhyuk's evasive babbling revealed his reluctance to talk about this subject. Wonho, because he's smart and knows not to press issues (if it's safe to assume they're life-threatening) when Minhyuk was like this, although he was always the one babbling in the group, just shrugs and takes a sip out of the younger blond's milk carton. "Whatever, mate," he says coolly. "There seems to be a lot of professionals here; I'm sure it'll turn out great. Are you going to be alright for filming later? I've got plenty of water bottles stashed in the bus if you need it."  
  


Minhyuk tells the older blond he'll keep that in mind and calls his breakfast finished once he had finished his sandwich. He retreats back to his seat and tells Wonho that he's going to "Catch a few Z's", and he ignores the look his hyung gives him as he turns away, like he knows something Minhyuk doesn't know. That damn Shin.   
  


However, Minhyuk's wide awake the moment his head hits the headrest of his seat behind him, and all he can think about right now is _Chae fucking Hyungwon_. Which isn't unusual, per se, but the context certainly is. Out of everything in the goddamn world.  
  


He'd be lying outrageously to himself if he said he's never wanted more out of his and Hyungwon's friendship. From the moment he saw the shy, awkward 6 ft male with a random baseball cap and his dark blue sweater made out of some cheap material, he had been drawn to the younger male, and as soon as he heard his voice, well... Minhyuk knew he was fucked. It was attraction at first sight, adoration at first word, and love at first smile. Every girl Minhyuk had dated since that intitial meeting has, in some way or another, reminded him a little of Hyungwon: Jimin's laugh had sounded like his; Chaebong's eyes were almost the same shade of brown as Hyungwon's; Ashley also had had the same sort of magnetism.   
  


Truthfully, Minhyuk's never let himself think too much about love. He isn't able to recall a lot of his experiences after rapturing himself into the trainee life. However, if he thinks of it right now, he could all right admit his crush on his best friend, who has haunted his dreams every now and then with his voice, his laugh, his scent. Not all of them were sex dreams exactly, though admittedly, there were a few. Mostly, they were just dreams about him and Hyungwon sitting on the floor playing their FIFA game, or discussing potential lyrics, or trying to have a conversation entirely made out of English phrases. (Minhyuk loved it when Hyungwon spoke in English.) The dreams with the brunet involved had been the ones that hurt the most, because they'd seem so real and felt so good and forgetting them right after waking up felt like being burned alive.   
  


_in the midst of all the noise in my vicinity, the only voice i can distinguish is yours._ Minhyuk fumbles for his iPad in the bag next to him and and types the words into his Notes app as they flood into his head. He makes a mental, "Delete later," reminder as he is aware that the group's individual iPads were checked often by the staff, of course.  
  


The boys enjoyed pressing on Hyungwon to make up acrostic poems on the spot, and Minhyuk didn't want to acknowledge the fact that he had been having thoughts flooding his head that sounded like poems, loosely inspired by Hyungwon's critical yet sentimental thinking.   
  


In summary: 1) This music video is bringing back happy and painful memories for Minhyuk; 2) He hopes both Hyungwon and him can make it through the next few days of shooting, and 3) The blond is hopelessly, insanely, irrevocably in love with Hyungwon, and it's not that easy to ignore it when it pounds his mind whenever the former sees him.   
  


There has been moments in the past twenty-four hours where Minhyuk has looked at Hyungwon and seen something in his dark brown eyes; something warm and fond and completely undeserved. The blond would still think about Hyungwon's hand lingering in his on that occasions where they had been linked; he'd like to imagine Hyungwon hesitating before releasing him from that hug after filming the first scene. Little things like these– things his brain is making believe what he saw and felt– are what plants that dangerous seed of hope in Minhyuk's chest. That seed is what will eventually kill him, he knows. And yet, he waters it still.   
  


_i don't fall in love as much as i trip on it._

 

With a heavy sigh, Minhyuk pulls the curtain of the bus shut and rolls over to face the wall, scrunching his body slightly. He snags his earpieces from his bag again and inserts them into his phone, resolving to find solace in music. Who knows– maybe someone's one will be soothing enough to lull him to sleep for an hour or two. 

 

(In reality, of course, he knows Hyungwon's voice is the only one powerful enough to do that for him. Insomnia barely stood any chances against the younger male's dulcet tones; either crooned through his phone or whispered directly into his ear; the few times he'd been able to sleep during Monsta X's first weeks after debuting were the times he had his own personal iPod full of shoegaze lullabies to cuddle with. He wishes Hyungwon was beside him at the moment.)

 

Minhyuk exhales a long sigh, hitting shuffle and finally closing his eyes, burying his nose in the corner of his jacket. The first song to play on his "calm the HELL DOWN" playlist is Taeyeon's U R. He manages to make through most of it and almost drifted off with an aching heart until Taeyeon's soft but earnest voice sings _The stories I couldn't say, all of the secrets I couldn't do, I want to deliver it today_ – after that, Minhyuk rips his earpieces out of his ears and slams the iPad on the seat next to him, not even caring if anyone else heard the loud, one-note noise. No one does. 

 

The ashen-grayed hair male feels empty as he curls up even further on the small seat of the car and eventually succumbs to a dreamless, unsatisfying sleep. He wakes up an hour later when Jooheon shakes him awake to tell him that they've arrived at their next filming location, and he feels even more exhausted than before.


	3. lyrical downfall

Hyungwon takes a peek at Minhyuk's mild bloodshot eyes and his half-assed grin, wisely choosing to say nothing, instead electing to offer the platinum-blond a heartfelt pat on the shoulder. "Filming wearing you out, too?" he asks.  
  


Minhyuk just nods, ignoring the way Hyungwon's touch is making his entire body hum. They're about to film the scene Minhyuk read about some cult thing, and all members were involved; the blond couldn't afford any embarrassments now.  
  


"Was Wonho interrogating you about the plot? Because Jooheon wouldn't leave me alone about it."   
  


"Yeah," Minhyuk says and walks over to where a costumer designer was and retreived his jacket for this scene. "Told him it was some complicated story. Also gave him the notion on later's scene; no real specifics. He let it go after that."  
  


"I said the same thing," Hyungwon, looking concerned, helps Minhyuk put on his jacket. "I think they're conspiring."  
  


"Totally. They're going to go on set tomorrow and squirt silly string all over the cameras until they figure out why we're so discreet."  
  


"Sounds like them," Hyungwon chuckles a little, but his smile falters after a second or two. He looks down at his scuffed black boots almost bashfully. "Hey, um... d'you think they'll, us, freak out or anything? About _that scene_?"  
  


Minhyuk's stomach lurches and twists like it does every time he visualises _that scene_ , how Hyungwon is going to be right below him, and he shakes it off almost unsuccessfully. He contemplates his friend's question for a long moment, blindly brushing his hands on his jacket, before he forces a casual shrug. "You want an honest answer?" he finally asks.  
  


Appearing unsure, Hyungwon nods after a second of hesitation.   
  


"Well," Minhyuk starts carefully, "I'm pretty sure the other members have been betting on when we'd finally start getting closer to one another physically, to phrase it that way, and they've probably bet if we'd even get together or some sort." Because honestly, the mocking Hyungwon and Minhyuk had to endure during their trainee days from being so inseparable by the other trainees was so unbearable– some of it still lingers even now. "They might freak, as they nornally will– if anything, they'll record it on their phones and start threatening, teasing, I don't know, us together later."  
  


Hyungwon scoffs at this and looks away from Minhyuk, but there is a distinct blush rising slowly on his face and painting the tips of his ears pink. Minhyuk watches, mesmerized, and thinks about tasting that blush with his lips and tongue.  
  


"You really think so?" Hyungwon asks finally, and Minhyuk replies, "Oh yeah. I’m at least ninety percent sure."  
  


"Who–" The taller male’s voice cracks. He swallows hard; Minhyuk tries not to track the movement of his throat with his eyes. "Who d'you think would bet we'd get together, like, if we debuted together in the same group?" The question is phrased innocently enough, but something about the way Hyungwon says it has cogs turning in Minhyuk's skull.  
  


"Changkyun, probably." Minhyuk replies without missing a beat. "He's always 'shipped' us or whatever, and he'd hold out hope that his fantasies would become realities sooner rather than later." A sleeve on his jacket is still a different length from the other, so he takes a few seconds to adjust it a little. "Maybe Kihyun's a little more realistic, so I think he'd bet it would happen either during or after the hiatus, if it even happened at all. He knows how emotionally constipated we both can be."  
  


Humming, Hyungwon considers these notions with a series of thoughtful nods. After several long, almost tense seconds, he asks quietly, "And who– who would you have sided with?"  
  


Minhyuk's heart is suddenly racing like he’s just downed three espressos. "Huh?"  
  


Hyungwon looks him dead in the eye, face as red as a fucking tomato, and asks, "Do you think we'd could have worked better together before or after we debuted?"  
  


Minhyuk just blinks at him. "I thought we decided long ago we wouldn't talk about this sort of thing at any point in time, so what does it matter?" he grouses, perhaps a little too bitterly.  
  


"But pretend we hadn't," Hyungwon says, and Minhyuk's really starting to feel the urge to escape to the other members right about now. "Pretend... That night... It didn’t happen. Do you think we could’ve...?"  
  


_Is he fucking asking me if I think we could have been a couple? Where the fuck is this coming from?_  
  


The only response Minhyuk can properly articulate is an incredulous, confused stare.  
  


Hyungwon gets the message quite quickly and drops his gaze again, reaching up to sheepishly rub the back of his neck. "Right. Right. Never mind, just forget I even– yeah. I'm gonna go, uh, warm up... My voice. Over there."  
  


Minhyuk watches him as he trots over to an empty spot at the other end of the vast field. The blond clenches his fist around the strings of his jacket, reveling in the feeling of the cloth digging into his fingers, and tries to silence the whirring in his head.  
  


"Do you think we could’ve...?" Could've what? Lasted more than a week, unlike most of Minhyuk's romantic relationships? Maintained a healthy, supportive relationship even under the increasing pressure of the stress that would come when they debuted? Loved each other unconditionally and worked through their problems without getting into emotional arguments? Avoided years of pining and failed relationships by taking a fucking chance, being brave for once, and realizing that a love between the two of them could turn out to be the best goddamn thing to ever happen to them?  
  


"Yes," Minhyuk whispers, but no one hears him.  
  


* * *

 

The filming goes off without a hitch, as usual, and Kihyun and Changkyun are praised for their genius and expert suggestions of the applications of dark magic involved in the music video's storyline. They leave the area about an hour after their filming, dividing up into pairs for the bus seats as before, and drive another hour to their dorms. Minhyuk broods in his bunk with his music turned all the way up for the whole ride.  
  


Hyungwon and Minhyuk, while they may not have sat together in the bus, are spending the evening in each other's bunks, as usual, which causes a painful knot of muscle to form in Minhyuk's right shoulder; the other members had been dragged out to purchase dinner from somewhere nearby. The two of them barely look at each other in the elevator and organize their things on separate halves of Hyungwon's bunk, unlike most nights when their respective crap ends up all jumbled and mixed together from lack of care. They aren't meeting the other members for the next hour until dinner, so Hyungwon shucks his boots and jacket and sets his hat on the nightstand beside his bed before digging his laptop out of his backpack. His stereo headphones go on, GarageBand opens, and Minhyuk knows the rest of the world has now faded out of his sphere of awareness.  
  


Because of this, Minhyuk figures it's okay to turn on the TV outside.   
  


Lucky for him, the TV's working, so he plops down on thr floor and loses himself in a game of FIFA, trying to ignore when Hyungwon walks out into the living room with his laptop in tow and his headphones around his neck. The latter sits at the table beside the TV.    
  


There’s tension hanging in the air like wet clothes on a line between Minhyuk and his best friend, but he tries to ignore it.   
  


Only the sounds of the game and Minhyuk's movement of his fingers on the controller in his hands could be heard in the room; he feels like he's suffocating.  
  


Halfway through the third episode, Minhyuk can't take the awkwardness any longer and violently hits the mute button on the remote next to him. One look at Hyungwon, though, and whatever he was about to say gets caught in his throat: the singer looks more concentrated than he has in a while, brow scrunched and eyes focused behind his glasses as he fiddles with the program on his laptop.

 

Minhyuk clears his throat tentatively. "'Wonny?"  
  


"Hmm?" The brunet hums without moving his eyes from the screen. "Uh, what are you working on?"  
  


"Just a little something that's been in my head for a few hours. Some kind of a melody; a loop. Trying to re-create it but I can't get it quite right." The singer taps at his keyboard with two fingers, probably laying down a drum beat, the tip of his tongue caught between his teeth.  
  


"Let me hear it," Minhyuk says, getting up, and Hyungwon finally turns to look at him with a guarded expression. "Come on, it's just notes and sounds; nothing personal, right?"  
  


Hyungwon doesn't reply, but he does unplug his headphones from the laptop and clicks the touchpad a few times. Finally, he turns up his laptop’s volume and hits the spacebar, and the room is filled with sound.  
  


It’s the most melancholy thing Minhyuk's ever heard. There’s a bit of violins and low brass and some subtle, quiet guitar riffs; the notes swoop and dive and climb and blend together effortlessly in a truly haunting amalgamation of sound and music. Perhaps the most prominent thing is the bassline, though, heavy and low and steady, like a beating heart, adding that final touch that sends goosebumps creeping over Minhyuk's arms and neck. It’s almost like the score of a really depressing movie; Minhyuk doesn't think Hyungwon could ever come up with lyrics to properly suit it without sleeping for a week.  
  


The loop ends rather abruptly after about thirty seconds, and Minhyuk can only stare at a now-blushing Hyungwon as the enchanting sounds of the harmonizing strings echo through his mind and fade. Hyungwon is avoiding the blond's eyes, fixated on the screen again.  
  


"Where did that come from?" Minhyuk asks, surprised at how hoarse his own voice sounds. Hyungwon shrugs a little.  
  


"Just been in my head."  
  


"Then there's something either really scary or really fucking sad going on in your head, Hyungwon-ah," Minhyuk says. He feels his own cheeks heat up and thinks about their conversation before their filming this morning– could that have inspired those mournful strains?  
  


"It's fine, it's nothing," The younger male insists shortly. "You weren't even supposed to hear it. Don't worry about it."  
  


Minhyuk wants to press the issue, wants to keep interrogating until he gets the definitive answer out of Hyungwon and find out if he should feel guilty about something, but just as he's about to open his mouth, his iPad rings a message near him, and he scrambles to get it.  
  


"The others are getting their food for dinner already," he tells Hyungwon after reading the text. "Let's join them.”  
  


Hyungwon saves his work, closes his laptop, and rises slowly off the seat to his room. Before they walk out of their dorm, Minhyuk grabs him by the arm and holds him still, studying his face closely. "You sure you're okay?"  
  


The taller man keeps his gaze downcast, but he nods.  
  


Hyungwon swallows hard. "This isn’t about our, uh, discussion before the filming, is it?"  
  


"I thought I told you to–"  
  


"You should know by now," Minhyuk says dryly, "that I don't usually listen when you tell me to do things."  
  


Hyungwon sighs long and heavy and his shoulder droops under Minhyuk’s hand. "I was just...wondering what you thought about... that." he explains haltingly. "It's no big deal."  
  


Minhyuk opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He wants to tell Hyungwon what he really thinks, that the two of them could have worked brilliantly and they still could if they weren’t so stubborn and afraid, but now isn't the time for that conversation. To be honest, he's not sure if there will ever be a right time for it.  
  


All he can do is gently tilt Hyungwon's chin up so their eyes are finally locked again and offer him a small smile. "I think," he says, "that you’re my best friend, and I wouldn't risk losing that for anything– not then, not now, not ever." It’s a slightly warped version of the truth, but it's the truth nonetheless.  
  


He only realizes that statement could be taken as a rejection when he sees a flicker of something like disappointment flash ever-so-quickly through Hyungwon’s beautiful eyes. It’s gone a moment later, though, replaced by an amused glint. "You're kinda unintentionally cheesy sometimes, you know that?" Hyungwon mocks, grinning.   
  


"At least without the soul of a poet; both a blessing and a curse." Hyungwon didn't let Minhyuk respond and continues, lamenting dramatically and reaches over to open the door for them.  
  


"Makes for good lyrics, though." Minhyuk commented.  
  


"Damn right."  
  


* * *

 

 

The tension is virtually gone between the two of them and they're making stupid jokes and flicking food at each other from across the table like always when Minhyuk's phone buzzes again. Still chuckling at Hyungwon's adorable reaction to having a small blob of mashed potatoes flung at his face, he digs it out of his pocket to check the message.

It's from Hyun. And it's... not entirely good news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit: Something's coming up in the next chapter. thanks for the kudos, too!


	4. a fated occurence

Hyungwon's broad grin slowly falls from his face as he sees Minhyuk’s eyes widen. “What?” he asks, glancing between Minhyuk’s face and his phone.  
  


"Uh..." Minhyuk meets his eyes briefly, then turns to the other members. "Guys, Hyungwon and I have to go back to the dorm and discuss something for tomorrow’s filming, is that fine?”  
  


Wonho mumbles “That’s cool” with a full mouth and Shownu nods in assent at the same time Hyungwon asks loudly, “The fuck is going on?”  
  


“Just come on,” Minhyuk insists and stands up from the table, nearly rattling the silverware onto the floor as he forcefully pushes his chair in. Hyungwon follows, but not without a hasty apology to his other members.  
  


Once they’re outside and walking towards their dorms, Hyungwon turns and stares at Minhyuk with a questioning, borderline pissed look. “What the fuck?”  
  


"I just got a text from Hyun.” Minhyuk takes out his phone again. He opens the text and holds it out to Hyungwon with a shaking hand. “It’s an updated filming schedule. They’ve had to, uh... Make some changes.”  
  


“What kinds of changes?” Hyungwon asks warily, slowly reaching out to take the phone from Minhyuk, looking out for any significant changes. “What could be so– Oh.” He stares at the small screen, eyes widening incrementally. “...Oh.”  
  


Minhyuk takes the phone back. “Yeah.”  
  


“...Tomorrow? Already?” Hyungwon’s face is rapidly approaching maximum blushocity; under any other circumstances, Minhyuk would be smiling at the sight in front of him, Hyungwon's face highlighted by the streetlamps of Seoul.  “I was expecting–"  
  


“–Friday, yeah, but something came up and they have to cram most of the filming by tomorrow,” Minhyuk explains as the elevator doors ding and slide open. “Including the running scenes, Shownu's plot, and by extension...”  
  


“... _that_ scene.”   
  


“Yeah.”  
  


The walk to their dorm seems longer than it had before; Minhyuk’s stomach feels like it’s full of lead and cinderblocks and his heart is about to burst out of his chest in some grotesque imitation of Alien. His hand is shaking so much he almost mispresses the number code for their dorm.  
  


Minhyuk has to be _on top of_ Hyungwon tomorrow. On camera. For a music video that millions of people who do and don’t know their band will see.  
  


Fuck. This had seemed like a better idea when it was only an abstract idea, a daydream that would be realized somewhere in the relatively distant future.  
  


Now, Minhyuk only has about twelve hours to psych himself up enough so he’ll be mentally and emotionally prepared to kiss his male, most-likely-straight best friend and basically pretend to be in love with him. Which... Won’t actually be pretending.  
  


And Hyungwon– the brunet's in this too, being forced into something uncomfortable even sooner than he’d thought, and it’s all Minhyuk’s fault.   
  


As usual.  
  


They were supposed to have more time.  
  


Minhyuk turns to look over at Hyungwon once the door closes, trying to assess the brunet's feelings about this development. He’s pacing in a small circle near the door, arms crossed, staring unseeingly at a spot on the floor in front of his feet. The expression on his face is unreadable, something between mildly apprehensive and outright panicked. Minhyuk has seen him like this before, usually backstage before a major performance, but there’s something significantly more intense about it now, in this context.

  


“'Wonny? You alright?” Minhyuk knows it’s not usually wise to talk to Hyungwon when he’s in this state, but this time is an exception. He has to know.  
  


“We gotta do it tomorrow,” Hyungwon whispers incredulously, not really answering Minhyuk’s question. “Fuck, Minhyuk, tomorrow! How could they just spring that on us like this? We– I’m not prepared!”  
  


Minhyuk walks into his room, prompting Hyungwon to follow, and sits down heavily on the edge of his bead and leans forwards with his elbows on his knees. “Neither am I,” he admits, both sounding and feeling more vulnerable and confused than he has in a long time.  
  


Hyungwon seems to notice this, because he lifts his head to look at Minhyuk for a long moment. He doesn’t say anything (thank God), but he does slowly walk over to the bed and sit down on it beside Minhyuk. They stay like that for a few minutes, shoulders and thighs pressed together, and Minhyuk wants to tell him anything and everything he’s been thinking for the past two days. He wants to tell him about his suffering, about how painful memories are easier to relive when Hyungwon’s around, about the sheer immensity of his feelings for Hyungwon and how they’ve only been magnified because of this stupid comeback and its stupid music video.   
  


But that’s not what he ends up saying.  
  


Minhyuk feels the apology bubbling up inside him long before it bursts from his mouth: “I’m sorry. Again. And before you try to tell me it’s not my fault, it really kinda is, since I didn't fucking talk to Hyun about this–”  
  


“Minhyuk?”  
  


“–and it was obviously pretty easy to talk to him before we started filming and I should’ve suggested something else because now we’re both freaking out but I think you might be freaking out a little more than I am, which just proves how badly I fucked up–”  
  


“Minhyuk.”  
  


“–and I’m gonna call Hyun and Jin tomorrow and tell them to change the goddamn plans and just forget about this whole thing and I’ll pay them back from my own–”  
  


“Minhyuk, oh my god, shut up.” Hyungwon claps a slightly sweaty hand over Minhyuk’s running mouth and looks him in the eye.  
  


“I’m freaking out about the suddenly shorter time constraint, not really the scene itself, for fuck’s sake. Calm down and breathe for a second, will you?”  
  


The blond is still for several seconds before he slowly nods his head. Hyungwon takes his hand away and places it lightly on Minhyuk’s knee while Minhyuk breathes, in through the nose, out through the mouth, still trying to process Hyungwon’s words with his sleep-deprived brain.  
  


“I just needed a minute to accept the fact that I’m gonna be in close proximity with my best friend on camera tomorrow instead of two days later,” Hyungwon says more quietly, and Minhyuk stares at him in surprise as he basically speaks Minhyuk’s thoughts out loud—though, to be fair, this isn’t the only time that that’s happened. “If anything, I’m pissed at the team that overscheduled themselves and is now forcing us to do this before we’re entirely ready. Not very professional.”  
  


“Not at all,” Minhyuk rasps almost a little too quickly, eyes still wide and glued to Hyungwon’s flushed but calmer face.  
  


Hyungwon smiles at him a little resentfully. “Sorry I scared you. It's just...you know how I get. Perfectionist and shit. Yeah, I’m still nervous about actually having you to be so close and it’s still a little terrifying to think and visualise about, to be honest, but this whole scheduling thing just made me snap. I’m sorry.”  
  


“Don’t be. It’s totally understandable,” Minhyuk reassures him. Relief is starting to flood through his tense muscles and allowing him to take deeper, more even breaths. “And I’m... still nervous about it too.”  
  


Hyungwon huffs a laugh through his perfect nose and smiles, giving Minhyuk’s knee a squeeze, and a wonderful, awful idea pops into Minhyuk’s head like an unwelcome dinner guest. It’s fucking crazy and could screw up a whole lot of shit, but for some reason Minhyuk selfishly wants to try it out. Backfiring is always a possibility, which terrifies him briefly, but he mentally shakes his head and digs in his heels.  
  


A bulb suddenly light up in Minhyuk's mind, and he's hoping he doesn’t look too much like a terrified schoolboy in the principal’s office.  
  


"We're alone in the dorm right now..." the blond starts.  
  


“Yes?” Hyungwon sounded hesitant, directing his gaze to his friend.  
  


“Yeah, so... Do you want to try actually rehearsing?”  
  


Hyungwon blinks, puzzled. His face is equal parts shocked, and mildly outraged, with the smallest hint of curiosity. “What?”  
  


"If it's so nerve-wrecking for the both of us, then we might as well rehearse, right?"  
  


Their gazes remain locked for a heartbeat or so before Hyungwon breaks the connection and stares at the wall opposite them, expression carefully blank. He parts his lips, but says nothing. He’s searching for words again, and Minhyuk feels like he should explain himself.  
  


He doesn’t actually think Hyungwon will agree to it, but it’s worth a shot. “It will make us less nervous. And I think it’d be kind of easier to film, too, since we wouldn’t be going into it completely inexperienced. This is going to be the first time we're going to be portrayed _this clos_ e on camera, and of course it might intrude our personal space a little bit, but..." (Well, it’s not technically their _first_ time– Minhyuk’s been, as the normal cheerful person he is, laying smacking kisses on Hyungwon’s cheeks and hugging the blond openly since they met– but it’ll be the first time their closeness was portrayed, in a music video; the first one that could yet potentially hold another meaning.)  
  


Hyungwon is quiet. Not his usual thoughtful quiet, but a deep, deliberate quiet. He’s not looking at Minhyuk, but Minhyuk can still see the internal battle raging in his eyes as he weighs his options. He’s clearly conflicted, but he’s not panicking, which is...unexpected, but calming in a way. Minhyuk’s eyes widen as he realizes _holy shit, is he gonna_ – _?_  
  


“That’s.. That's not a bad idea.”

  


Minhyuk’s brain short-circuits. His lungs are burning with the breath he’s holding in. “R-Really?” He hopes the disbelieving squeak in his voice wasn’t as loud as it had sounded in his own ears.  
  


Hyungwon nods slowly and finally looks at the older male. His features are carefully schooled into an expression of neutrality, but his breathing is rapid and shallow, and his eyes reveal his anxiety. “I mean... At least we’d have an idea of what it’ll be like, right? We’ll know what to expect...”  
  


“Uh-huh,” Minhyuk nods dumbly. Holy shit, holy freaking _shit–_  
  


“Okay then.” There’s a pause, then Hyungwon moves to sit on the bed so he’s beside Minhyuk; His eyes flicker up to Minhyuk’s face, then dance away again. “Let’s, um... How should we..."  
  


“Let’s just–” Minhyuk turns towards him too, snapping himself out of his stunned daze and trying to wrap his head around the fact that he is literally going to be in close proximity with Hyungwon right here and right now and his heart is exploding and he thinks the planet might be too. He clears his throat a little awkwardly, then stands. “Well, you’re gonna be, uh, on your back in the tub, so–"  
  


“Oh, yeah. I’ll, uh...” The singer scoots on the bed and lies down, crossing his ankles and awkwardly placing his hands beside him. His thin, soft hair fans out around his head on the white pillow like a dirty golden halo and his eyes look so big as he glances everywhere around the room but directly at Minhyuk. “And you’re–”

  
“–over you, yeah.” Minhyuk stares almost daintily as he sits, unmoving the edge of the bed again, then mentally shakes himself and inches closer until his hip is lightly touching Hyungwon’s. He leans over Hyungwon a little, planting one of his hands on the bed next to Hyungwon’s waist and the other beside his shoulder. Their faces are still about three feet apart, but Minhyuk can feel his best friend’s breathing accelerating further and his heart is beating so hard; he's sure that his own thin blue T-shirt was fluttering with it.  
  


They remain like that, Minhyuk hovering above Hyungwon uncertainly and Hyungwon staring up at him with a million questions in his eyes. He knows as Hyungwon blearily blinks and squints that he’s now the only thing Hyungwon can clearly see, and that thought makes something in his stomach quiver. He goes back to leaning over his best friend and blows out a slow, steady breath, gazing down at the beautiful creature below him: Hyungwon looks so bare without his specs and with casual clothes, so young and almost childlike. Minhyuk knows Hyungwon hates the way he looks like this, but when Minhyuk looks at him, he sees what he always see; his best friend, his other half, the most gorgeous and talented man that’s ever walked the planet– and he feels so damn lucky just to be in his presence.

  


This is all so intimate, unlike anything they’ve ever done before, but Minhyuk still has to remind himself it isn’t real.  
  


Hyungwon looks away from him again and pulls his lower lip between his teeth. Hesitantly, he reaches up and rests one hand on top of Minhyuk's hand that was beside his shoulder, curling his fingers at the contact. Tension is coming off him in waves, conducted through his fingertips, but he seems to be waiting for something–  
  


Minhyuk realizes now that he’s gonna have to make the first move.  
  


In one swift motion, Minhyuk closes his eyes and cranes his neck down, resting his forehead gently against Hyungwon’s slightly sweaty one. Hyungwon exhales shakily and his breath buffets against Minhyuk’s mouth like it never has before. The feeling is electric; Minhyuk barely suppresses a shiver.

  


“Relax,” Minhyuk manages to say, voice barely a whisper. He wishes he would heed to his own advice.  
  


Hyungwon nods minutely, and Minhyuk slowly sinks on top of Hyungwon, careful about their weight and how the script had described. Their chests are brushing now, and it feels so nice and Hyungwon is so warm that Minhyuk just can’t bring himself to protest.  
  


He swallows noisily, licking his lips. “Can I...?”  
  


“Yes,” Hyungwon breathes, and to Minhyuk’s utter shock, the younger man cranes up and touches his soft, plush lips to Minhyuk’s slightly chapped ones before Minhyuk can even move.  
  


That’s all it is for a few seconds, two closed mouths slanted together, firm and still, at a slightly awkward angle, but then Minhyuk exhales through his nose and moves his lips a little, and Hyungwon responds in kind, and all of a sudden there is absolutely nothing else in the entire galaxy that Minhyuk is aware of.  
  


Minhyuk’s imagined this moment countless times over the past few years– it’s been used to fuel both thoughts that emerged into his own lyrics, and sessions of self-love (or was it self-abuse?). But not even his best fantasies compare to the way Hyungwon’s fingertips press more firmly into the blond’s hand as he tilts his head a little, opening his mouth wider. And now, oh, now they’re actually kissing, huffing small breaths into each other’s mouths, and Hyungwon’s nose is digging into Minhyuk’s cheek and there’s an arm tightening around his waist and now a warm hand on the back of his neck and Minhyuk finds his own hand slipping under Hyungwon’s head to hold him in place; his hair is so soft, but not as soft as his saccharine lips and– and fuck, his tongue, which is now tentatively prodding and nudging its way into Minhyuk’s mouth, and Minhyuk slides his own against it which produces a gasp and an actual whimper from Hyungwon, who tastes like coffee and spearmint and a Han River breeze and the only sounds in the room are their stuttered breaths and the quiet, wet sounds of their mouths connecting and disconnecting, and, and– oh god–

  


Minhyuk breaks away for a split second to suck in a small breath of air and shift his position so his back doesn’t ache quite as much from twisting, then dives back in again, and Hyungwon reciprocates like there was no pause at all. God, Minhyuk thinks foggily as he runs one hand down Hyungwon’s side, eliciting a shiver, he’s kissing Hyungwon– no, he’s making out with him here in the dim light of his room in the dorm, and it’s like his first kiss ever all over again but it’s so much better. He sinks his teeth gently into Hyungwon’s plump lower lip before releasing it with a soft pop and Hyungwon shudders against him and moans, so softly, so beautifully, he’s so beautiful, and Minhyuk’s drinking him up like the sweetest wine, and– and he– he fucking _can’t_ – He can’t believe this is happening, can’t believe he finally has Hyungwon under him like this, warm and pliable and practically melting in his arms.  
  


It’s too much and it’s not nearly enough and it feels so fucking real that Minhyuk’s heart morphs into a sore, leaden weight in his chest, but God help him, he keeps going. He knows he should stop when he feels his jeans tightening ever-so-slightly, but this is just too good, too addictive, and Hyungwon’s so gorgeous and perfect and he’s everything Minhyuk’s ever wanted. There’s a physical force that’s holding Minhyuk here, and he’s only partially aware that they’re both shivering and he’s not sure if he’s dizzy from a lack of oxygen or an overdose of Chae Hyungwon.

  


That’s it, he decides a moment later when Hyungwon hums against his mouth again– he has to stop or he’s gonna climb further onto his bed and straddle Hyungwon’s hips and do something totally fucking awesome but insanely regrettable. But then Hyungwon tilts his head even further and draws one of his knees up so it’s touching Minhyuk’s waist and a high-pitched, breathy whine breaks free from his probably-bruised mouth as he captures Minhyuk’s tongue briefly between his lips, and– Minhyuk’s just so fucking in love with him, it’s almost stupid. He never wants to get up, never wants to leave this room or Hyungwon’s arms or Hyungwon’s kiss– he’d forgotten how good it felt to be kissed like this; it’s been so long. Minhyuk hasn’t loved or been loved (does he love me?) like this in years. He knows he can’t have this forever, will probably never get it again, but he wants it; he fucking needs to hold Hyungwon down on this mattress and strip him of every scrap of clothing and just worship–  
  


Suddenly, like a slap in the face, Hyungwon pulls away and breaks their connection with no warning at all. Minhyuk opens his eyes dazedly and looks down at the brunet just inches below him as they breathe together– his pale face is bright pink and his lips are red and spit-slick and his eyes are dark, filled with an indecipherable emotion. His chest is also heaving quite rapidly and Minhyuk barely has time to think _asthma attack_...? before Hyungwon is shoving him away and scrambling off the bed.

  


Hyungwon grabs his glasses from the nightstand and his jacket, that had been somewhat lying on the bed and leaves the room, still panting, without a backwards glance. The heavy door slams shut behind him with a damning finality and Minhyuk stares at it, completely lost and confused, as numbness creeps into his limbs.  


  


He’s alone again. He always ends up alone, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. He’s not good enough for anyone, least of all someone kind and smart and perfect like Hyungwon. No matter what Minhyuk does, no matter how hard he tries to be good and honest and loveable, he fucks up, and he deserves the loneliness that’s now filling the room and slowly suffocating him.  
  


He sits on the edge of the bed, half-hard and longing for something he will never have, and he stays there for two hours. Hyungwon doesn’t come back. There’s no calls and no texts from him, Shownu, Jooheon, or anyone else important.  
  


Years. For years Minhyuk’s dreamt of kissing Hyungwon, holding him like that. And for about three minutes, his life had finally been complete. But now it feels just as empty and broken as it had five years ago.  
  


Minhyuk falls asleep fully clothed, on top of the sheets, with tears streaking his face and his nose buried in the pillow that still smells like Hyungwon’s hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the wait, despite not updating as often as other ongoing fic authors do, haha and also thank you for all of the kudos! (comments are also greatly appreciated, <3)


	5. illusionised

_The blood is hot and sticky and thick, oozing sluggishly between Minhyuk’s fingers as he presses his hands firmly against the wound. This elicits a low whine of pain from his “patient”, and his heart clenches at the sound. He has to stop the flow, though, no matter how much it hurts, or… Something terrible could happen._  
  


_Well, something worse than this terrible thing that's happening now._  
  


_He hadn’t seen her coming. She’d been hiding behind a graffiti’d dumpster in the alley next to the SBS building and jumped Minhyuk as soon as he was close enough. He’d barely had time to register that she was both wearing the official Monsta X merchandise T-shirt and wielding a huge knife before he’d been tackled to the ground, breath knocked completely out of his lungs. He’d fought with her—she’d been surprisingly strong, for a short girl who couldn’t weigh more than 60 kilograms—for a good fifteen seconds before she was completely lifted off of him and dragged away._  
  


_He’d rolled onto his side just in time to watch her stab Hyungwon, his rescuer, in the abdomen and take off running. Minhyuk had let her go in favor of leaping to his feet and catching Hyungwon before he could collapse onto the cold pavement._  
  


_Now here he is, waiting for the ambulance that their manager had called to arrive, with tears rolling down his cheeks and his hands and arms covered in his best friend’s blood._  
  


_“Just stay awake a little longer, Hyungwon-ah,” Minhyuk whispers urgently, staring down at Hyungwon’s unnaturally pale face. The younger man’s eyes are closed and his features are pinched with pain; Minhyuk tries to ignore the thin line of scarlet trailing from the corner of his mouth. “You’re gonna be okay, I promise, just stay awake.” He’s not sure if it’s the overpowering stench of iron and copper, or the thought that he might be losing his best friend because of a psycho fan that’s making him nauseous._  
  


_Hyungwon grunts and grits his teeth as Minhyuk adds even more pressure to his injury. He starts to cough, and blood sprays from his mouth onto both his and Minhyuk’s shirts. Now his chin and lips are coated in it, and the blond fights the overwhelming urge to use a hand to wipe the blood off Hyungwon's mouth area. The contrast between his paper-white skin and the bright red fluid is jarring. “It hurts, hyung,” he rasps, and his eyes slowly flicker open._  
  


_Minhyuk holds back a sob and locks eyes with him as best he can through his tears. “I know.” He strains to listen for any sirens anywhere close by, but there’s nothing but the sound of Hyungwon’s labored, wet breathing echoing through the air._  
  


_The thought that Hyungwon is dying passes through Minhyuk’s mind, and it only makes him cry harder. Fuck, Hyungwon had taken a knife for him, and now he’s dying, right here in front of Minhyuk, and there’s nothing Minhyuk can fucking do about it._  
  


_“Why’d you do that, you fucking idiot?” Minhyuk asks before he can stop himself._  
  


_Hyungwon blinks a couple times and he looks so sad; it onlt made Minhyuk’s heart splinter even further. He moves one cold hand and weakly clasps it around one of Minhyuk’s blood-covered wrists. “You're my best friend,” he forces out through a mouthful of blood before launching into another short coughing fit. When he has enough breath back, he adds, “Had to.”_  
  


_“No you didn’t,” Minhyuk whimpers, shaking his head. “Should’ve just let her hurt me. You didn’t deserve this.”_  
  


_“Neither did you.” Hyungwon’s breaths are rattling loudly in his lungs, one of which is most definitely punctured. He swallows hard, closing his eyes tightly, and writhes a little. “Fuck, it hurts.”_  
  


_“Ambulance is coming,” Minhyuk tells him, though he still can’t hear any sirens at all. Now that he thinks about it, the technical crew, the other members and the vehicles are gone too, no one to spot them in the alley– he and Hyungwon are completely alone here, one dying and the other wishing he were._  
  


_Hyungwon’s eyes fly open momentarily and he gasps for breath, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. His hand grips one of Minhyuk’s a little more tightly, but it’s still so fucking weak that Minhyuk can barely feel it. His cloudy, unfocused gaze meets Minhyuk’s tearful one from behind his blood-spattered eye makeup. “I'm scared, hyung,” he wheezes._  
  


_Minhyuk can’t speak anymore. He just breaks down in a fit of sobs and closes his eyes. He wants to reassure Hyungwon and tell him he’ll be okay, there’s doctors headed here right now and they’ll be here in a few minutes, but he knows it’s a lie. He’s losing the most important person in his life in a cold, filthy alley behind a small music venue, and he wishes so much that the deranged fan had killed him instead of subjecting him to this torture. This hurts worse than a knife in the gut; it hurts worse than anything ever could, and he can’t fucking believe it’s happening._  
  


_Suddenly, he feels Hyungwon’s cold, shaking hand touch the side of his face, and he opens his eyes. The younger male is looking up at him with a deeply sorrowful expression, but there’s love in it too, and Minhyuk clings to it with everything he has._  
  


_“Don’t regret it,” Hyungwon gasps, and his eyelids start to flutter. “I don’t regret a thing. I’d do it again. All of it. For you.”_  
  


_It’s a goodbye, Minhyuk knows it is, and his throat closes up with grief. “Don’t leave me,” he whimpers pathetically and grabs Hyungwon’s hand, clutching it desperately. “Please,_ please _. I can’t–”_  
  


_“So sorry,” Hyungwon rasps, his hand going limp and heavy in Minhyuk’s. A tear rolls down his temple when he blinks, and his breathing is getting more and more shallow. “I love you.”_  
  


_Minhyuk’s heart shatters irreparably. “Oh god, I love you too. Please don’t go, Hyungwon-ah," he babbles, utterly helpless. He’s loved Hyungwon for so long, and now that he’s finally admitted it, he’s losing him._  
  


_“Love you, Minhyukkie.” Hyungwon’s words are slurring and his eyes have closed. His head slowly lolls to one side. “Iloveyousomuch.”_  
  


_One final, quiet exhale, and Hyungwon’s chest goes still. Minhyuk drops his hand, and it flops lifelessly onto the pavement._  
  


_Minhyuk just stares numbly down at his now relaxed face, uncomprehending. Hyungwon’s gone. He’s fucking dead. His best friend, his soulmate, the only person who will ever completely understand him, is dead, and he’s alone again._  
  


_“Hyungwon,” he whispers, and all at once the grief hits him full-force. “No, Hyungwon, no, nonono, Hyungwon, HyungwonHyungwonHyungwonHyungwon…” The name sounds like a funeral dirge but he can’t stop saying it, won’t stop saying it, if he stops he’ll forget it and Hyungwon will die for good. An animalistic wail breaks free from his sore throat and he leans down to bury his face in the soft skin of Hyungwon’s neck which, he notes with a pang of horror, is already growing cold. “Hyungwon, Hyungwon, no, no, NO!” He breathes in the last of Hyungwon’s scent (he’d always smelled like home to Minhyuk, and Minhyuk will never be home again.) and weeps until his body can’t physically produce any more tears._  
  


_When he finally lifts his swollen face away from his best friend’s still body several minutes later, a metallic glint of light flashes in his periphery. He turns his head and sees the knife that killed his best friend lying bloodied and abandoned a few feet away– the fan must’ve dropped it when she’d fled like the cowardly, murdering bitch she is._  
  


_Sniffing, Minhyuk reaches over and picks it up, turning it over in his hand and watching the way the late-afternoon sun reflects almost seductively off the stainless steel blade._  
  


_Minhyuk turns back to Hyungwon and does something he’s always wanted to do: he leans down and presses the lightest, most tender of kisses to his best friend’s cold, unresponsive lips. “I love you,” he breathes against them one last time._  
  


_Then he sits back, emotionless and resolute. He presses the tip of the knife against his own chest right above his heart, tenses his arms…_  
  


…and jolts awake, sitting up and panting noisily, fresh tears streaming down his face in rivulets.  
  


“Minhyuk! Holy shit, hyung, are you fucking okay? Say something!” Hyungwon’s here, kneeling beside him on the bed. He came back, he’s alive, and he’s staring into Minhyuk’s eyes from about a foot away, gripping his shaking shoulders in firm, steadying hands.  
  


“Wh–What?” Minhyuk chokes out, absolutely bewildered and still gasping for breath.  
  


“You were fucking screaming like someone was murdering you,” Hyungwon says, and Minhyuk finally registers the panic on his face, the fear in his eyes. “I’ve been trying to wake you up for like five minutes; what the hell–”  
  


He’s cut off by Minhyuk’s arms wrapping around his neck and holding on as tightly as humanly possible. Minhyuk closes his eyes and revels in the contact for all he’s worth, trying desperately to not burst into tears again. But when Hyungwon’s arms wind around his middle and hold him close, he’s overwhelmed by the younger man’s presence and he can’t help but start weeping against the (warm, gloriously warm and pink and alive) skin of Hyungwon’s neck.  
  


“You left me,” he bawls, and Hyungwon holds him tighter. “I fucked up and you left me and you weren’t coming back and I couldn’t… I-I can’t…” His voice dies in his throat and his breath hitches.  
  


“Shh,” Hyungwon soothes quietly and moves one of his hands to the back of Minhyuk’s head. He weaves his fingers into the short bleached hair and slowly strokes. “Breathe for me, Minhyukkie. I’m right here and I’m not leaving again. I promise.”  
  


Minhyuk can’t speak; he can only sob as he lets himself be rocked slowly back and forth in his best friend’s comforting arms. He clings to Hyungwon like he’s a lifeline, and that’s exactly what he is; he’s Minhyuk’s lifeline and Minhyuk would be utterly lost and empty without him.  
  


“I shouldn’t have walked out like that,” Hyungwon murmurs against Minhyuk’s temple after a minute or two of cooing and hair-petting. His voice is full of remorse. “I freaked out. I’m so sorry.”  
  


Minhyuk sniffs wetly. “When did you c-come back?” he stutters, trying to get his breathing under control.  
  


“About an hour ago. You were asleep and I wanted to wake you up, but you looked fucking wrung out so I didn’t.” The singer heaves a guilt-ridden sigh. “I guess I should’ve.”  
  


“Yeah, maybe.” Minhyuk huffs out a humorless laugh into Hyungwon’s shoulder and closes his eyes. The tears have stopped, for the most part, but he doesn’t pull away, and neither does Hyungwon. He’s silent for another several seconds before he says in a small, childlike voice, “I was so scared that you wouldn't come back.  
  


Hyungwon shakes his head and makes a pained sound in the back of his throat, tangling his fingers tightly in Minhyuk’s hair. “No matter what,” he says solemnly, and his voice is starting to sound a little quivery, “I will always come back to you.”  
  


And Minhyuk believes him. He starts crying again, but it’s not as heavy or loud as before– they’re more tears of relief than sadness, because Hyungwon is alive and he came back and he still loves Minhyuk, as a friend if nothing else, but that’s enough for now. Hyungwon holds him through it, keeps him from completely falling apart, and Minhyuk is so fucking thankful for him that his soul burns with it.  
  


Another ten minutes go by before Minhyuk has calmed down enough to let go of Hyungwon and pull away. His head is throbbing and his eyes are so puffy he can barely open them; he’s so drained he feels like he’s about to faint. Before he can lift a weak tattooed arm to wipe at his runny nose, Hyungwon is shoving a wad of tissues into his hand and urging him to blow. He does, sniffs one more time, and drops the mess onto the floor.  
  


“I'm tired,” the blond mumbles, and Hyungwon cups his face in his hands.  
  


“Go brush your teeth and change your clothes,” the younger man says gently, rubbing the remnants of tears away with his thumbs. “I’ll go and get a glass of water for you.”  
  


Minhyuk loves that Hyungwon can tell when and where he’s hurting and he offers Hyungwon a small smile in thanks. He forces himself up off the bed and shuffles out of the door while Hyungwon heads to the kitchenette. Minhyuk notices then that Hyungwon’s already wearing a thin white T-shirt and blue plaid sweatpants; he hopes he didn’t wake his friend up with his screaming.  
  


He strips down to his red boxers and tugs on his favorite pair of grey cotton sweats before digging out his toothbrush in the bathroom. When he emerges back into his room, Hyungwon’s sitting on his bed again with a glass of water in one hand and a towel in the other. Minhyuk catches a couple of gulps of water. and set the glass on the nightstand beside Hyungwon’s hipster frames before glancing up at Hyungwon, a little embarrassed at his breakdown. Nothing like this has happened in years.  
  


“Thank you,” he says, and he’s surprised at how hoarse his voice sounds. He couldn't remember the last time he’d cried that hard.  
  


“Come on, it’s midnight and you need some actual sleep,” Hyungwon stands and pulls back the covers on Minhyuk’s bed. Minhyuk climbs in and burrows under the thick white comforter, suddenly so exhausted he can barely keep his eyes open.  
  


Hyungwon switches off the lamp on the nightstand and the room goes dark; before he can move another inch, Minhyuk reaches out blindly for him. “Stay with me,” he begs, suddenly needing Hyungwon beside him more than anything else in the entire universe; he’ll burn and shrivel up and disappear if he doesn’t have Hyungwon there touching him, holding him; reminding him he’s real.  
  


Without a word, Hyungwon lies over beside Minhyuk and slips under the blankets, scooting in beside the blond and making himself comfortable. Minhyuk immediately shifts closer to him and slings one arm over his soft, perfect belly. Hyungwon tucks Minhyuk’s head under his chin and tangles their legs together, and Minhyuk breathes in and out and lets his eyes close against Hyungwon’s collarbone. This is the first time they’ve shared a bed like this since before the hiatus, but it feels just as natural as it had then, like they’d never stopped doing it at all.  
  


Before Minhyuk can even ask, Hyungwon encompasses him in his warm arms and starts to quietly sing, his melodic, golden voice filling the too-silent room: “You brought out the best of me, / A part of me I'll never see...”  
  


Minhyuk’s heart seizes briefly at the song choice, but eventually it relaxes and Minhyuk lets Hyungwon’s voice wash over him like a cleansing rain. As the song progresses, Minhyuk remembers how Hyungwon had felt beneath him, how he’d tasted, how he’d responded to Minhyuk’s touch, and he gets a little sad again until he registers the fact that Hyungwon picked this to sing over anything else in his endless mental music library. Hesitantly, he digs his fingers into the flesh of Hyungwon’s side and scoots an inch or two closer, praying he’s reading this message right. Hyungwon responds by holding him even tighter and bending his head ever-so-slightly so he’s singing directly in Minhyuk’s ear. Minhyuk sighs, presses an unconscious kiss to Hyungwon’s neck, and melts against him.  
  


The last thing he hears before he finally drifts off is Hyungwon crooning, “You took my soul and wiped it clean... / Our love was made for movie screens.”  
  


_I think I’m falling_ , Minhyuk thinks, and his mind goes blank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;__; apparently ao3 screwed me over and lied that i haven't uploaded the previous chapter, so i published it again by accident. Edited, and thanks to ao3 user mogsori for informing me about it!


	6. azure sights

They film most of the scenes the next day (thankfully they’re done with all of the running) with all seven of them at the next location and a few shorter filler clips on unplanned locations before _that scene_ , which Minhyuk is grateful for—he’s not sure he would have been able to face the love of (majority of his idol) life right after spending a night with him in the same bed.

  
(Surprisingly, Minhyuk had woken up to an empty bed and a puffy pillow tucked between his arms this morning—Hyungwon had woken up before him and decided to shower right away. When he’d emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel with damp hair and steam curling out of the doorway to frame him in an ethereal mist, Minhyuk had been too mesmerized by his beauty to even open his mouth to ask about last night. Hyungwon had responded with a bashful smile before getting dressed and padding barefoot to the kitchenette to make them both some coffee. And…that had been that.)

  
(Minhyuk wonders if they’ll talk about it later. He’s not entirely sure if he wants to, though.)

  
When they arrive at the abandoned house they’re using for _that scene_ , it’s already been a long day, and Minhyuk and Hyungwon have gone a little quiet. Truth be told, Minhyuk is a lot less nervous about _it_  ever since they "practiced" the other day, but he’s still worried that Hyungwon might not be completely comfortable with it. The other members are also here on the set to see what's going on, and they have no idea it’s coming, but they have the slight notion that something was going on(since that motherfucker Wonho was bugging Minhyuk about it even when all of the members were around, which turned into mere chaos)— they haven’t been given copies of the screenplay to pore over. All they know is that Hyungwon’s character was going to commit suicide, and that Minhyuk was involved for some reason.

  
They do, however, notice their groupmates’ strange behavior, and try to decipher the cause. Changkyun walks up to Minhyuk after the maknae has finished talking to one of the lighting techs and hands him a Styrofoam cup of latte. “I don’t get it,” he says as Minhyuk takes a sip.

  
“Get what?” Minhyuk asks, his heart starting to thud ominously against his ribcage.

  
“You and Hyungwon just seem really… tense about this scene.” Changkyun studies the older man’s face and swigs a mouthful of his own coffee. “Like, I’m getting weird vibes from both of you. The other’s a little concerned, too.”

  
Minhyuk shrugs as nonchalantly as he can manage. “I dunno, man. I mean, the other videos are going to be hard videos to film too, y’know? We've talked about it and we're not so familiar with being on camera, especially if it's just between you and another member.” The lie (which is only a half-lie, really) rolls off his tongue easily, and to his relief, Changkyun nods in understanding.

  
That relief is gone a second later when the Changkyun says tersely, "Don't be such an asshole, hyung.”

  
Minhyuk’s chest floods with panic and he fights to keep his expression neutral. Do they know…?

  
“You’re hiding something from us, and that’s not cool, bro.” Changkyun's right. Guilt joins the panic in Minhyuk’s lungs. “We agreed not to do that anymore. So whatever the two of you don’t want the rest of us to know, we’ll find out about it eventually, so you might as well spill the fuckin’ beans now.” His piercing gaze is level and serious; Minhyuk knows he’s fed up with the secrecy, and honestly, he can’t be blamed. The shooting process for this whole video has been pretty unusual for them, and they agreed after they debuted that all of them would have equal say in everything the group was doing—they’ve sort of breached that agreement with this video, but up until filming started, it hadn’t been a huge problem. This conversation was bound to happen eventually.

  
Minhyuk gulps, staring down into his coffee and trying to keep his hands from shaking. That’s it, he decides—he’s gotta be upfront. Tell the truth. Let them know what they’re about to witness, then scurry away with a red face and sweaty palms. It’s simple. Except for how it’s not. At all.

  
Finally, he decides to be as honest as he possibly can without outright giving away the “wow me” twist and says in a rush, “Wait till the very end of this scene. That’ll pretty much explain everything, okay? Just wait till the end.” That’s all he can force out of his dry mouth.

  
Changkyun looks at Minhyuk for a long moment, seemingly trying to determine if he should trust him. He can tell pretty easily when Minhyuk’s lying, though, and he apparently sees no evidence of it now because he nods slowly and the look in his eyes lightens a little. “So… it’s something even more shocking than Hyungwon commiting suicide, huh?” he asks, a smile creeping into the corners of his mouth.

  
_You have no fucking idea._ “Yeah. It’s pretty crazy.”

  
“Well if it’s crazy enough to surprise us, the fans are gonna go apeshit, I bet,” Changkyun chuckles.

  
Minhyuk nods, hoping his smile doesn’t look as forced as it is. “It’ll probably be our most popular video ever just because of this like, five seconds." At this, Changkyun's smile falters, and he stares at Minhyuk in confusion. Just as he’s opening his mouth to speak, Hyun calls Minhyuk over to him, and Minhyuk flees, thankful to escape an interrogation that he most likely would not have been able to bullshit his way through.

  
Hyungwon’s with Hyun when Minhyuk reaches him under the impromptu white canopy they’ve set up beside the house. "Okay, boys,” Hyun says, standing in front of them and clapping them both on the shoulder. “You ready to do this thing? We’re all anticipating some nervousness from the both of you, so don’t worry about using as many takes as you need to get something right.”

  
Minhyuk pipes up at this with a quick glance at Hyungwon. “We might need a few takes for some stuff, but we’re gonna to do this scene in one—”

  
“No, that’s—that’s fine.” Hyungwon cuts him off before he can finish. When Minhyuk turns to stare at him in confusion, he meets Minhyuk’s eyes for a moment with a barely-there smile on his lips, and Minhyuk’s heart leaps into his throat in an instant.

  
The brunette turns back to speak to Hyun again. “You’re right. We’re probably gonna need some extra for a few things, I think, so... Thanks for understanding.”

  
“Any time,” Hyun says, but he’s glancing skeptically between the two men like he knows something significant has just happened. He shakes himself out of it after a few seconds. “Go get ready at makeup, guys. Let’s end strong.”

  
As they’re walking to the makeup trailer, Minhyuk nudges Hyungwon’s elbow with his own. “You sure you’re okay if the this needs more than one take? You were pretty adamant about it at first.” That damned seed of hope is ready to burst where it’s firmly planted between his lungs, and he find himself holding his breath as he waits for his friend’s response.

  
Hyungwon shrugs, hands in his pockets. He takes a deep breath. “I was at first, yeah,” he says, not looking at Minhyuk. “I was terrified. I was terrified I’d feel… things, if I had to be under you for quite a period of time, and I…wanted to prevent that. At all costs.”

  
Minhyuk’s pretty sure he’s about to spontaneously combust. This is not the place to be having this conversation, he knows that, but he has to find out how it ends— his eternal happiness hangs in the balance here. In a carefully steady voice that he’s pretty goddamn proud of, he asks, “Did something change?”

  
They’re right outside the door of the makeup trailer now, so they stop walking and Hyungwon turns to finally face Minhyuk. There’s something alarmingly vulnerable in his face now, like he’s getting ready to tell Minhyuk his biggest secret— which, the blond figures, he probably is.

  
“Maybe." Hyungwon's face suddenly reveals a cheesy grin, and Minhyuk was ignoring the feeling his heart was making. "…fuck it, y’know?”

 

 

* * *

  
Minhyuk watches the entire scene roll before him as the crew set up lights and the other members goof around behind the set, makeup being lightly added onto Hyungwon's face and other helpers filling in the bathtub in the house with water. The blond couldn't help but cringe at the state of this abandoned house— aged, yet quaint with nature finding its way on the walls of the interior. Definitely different from clean apartments.  
  


Hyungwon walks over to the blond once the former was done and waves a small 'hi', and the cameraman in charge of filming what's on set pops by and films the duo. Hyun then calls out from the crowd of staff for Hyungwon to be in place in the tub, in which he obliged; Minhyuk helps, and the tension that was initially between them slowly drains as they chuckle when Hyungwon yelps at the coldness of the water while Minhyuk was grabbing ahold of one of the taller man's legs.  The cameraman catches all this, and Minhyuk couldn't wait to get home and wait to get a footage of it; smiling and laughing around with his best friend (and crush).  
  


Hyun goes over a few last-minute details—lighting, angles—while the cameras and lights are quickly set up.  Everyone else gather behind the equipments, and they show mutely when they’re ready.  
  


The other members, Minhyuk notices, look a little apprehensive—probably since they don’t actually know everything that’s about to happen.  
  


Minhyuk gulps and exhales loudly, sitting on the chair beside the tub–over Hyungwon–as he waits for his cue. He still isn’t feeling too good about raising the tension between the both of them, to be honest, and he makes faces at Hyungwon for attention and reassurance. The brunette flashes him a grin and the most adorable thumbs-up, and Minhyuk feels so in love he almost starts crying.  
  


Another minute or two and everyone’s in their proper places, so Hyun counts down and calls “Action!”  
  


At this, the blond pulls off the most sorrowful face he could ever muster as he looks at Hyungwon's body, lifeless and pale against the faded white material of the bathtub. He tries to imagine his dead best friend, lying in front of him, having committed suicide, and that, perhaps was a bad idea as he chews on his lower lip to halt the tears from emerging. He hears the sounds of cameras rolling closer to him, and Hyun's encouraging shouts from a distance away.   
  


He fiddles with the small glass bottle contained with the blue liquid with his fingers as he keeps his eyes on Hyungwon's– but his was closed. He starts opening the bottle– the cameras zoomed in for footage– and keeps a straight face. The entire set was hauntingly still, no movement except for the cameramen and the blond's evident gulp.  
  


Swirling the liquid in the bottle, Minhyuk took a deep breath before pouring its contents into the tub, taking note of how the blue dissolves into the transparent water. The cameramen do their job, and for the next minute the only noises in the room were the movement and adjusting of cameras. The blond just stayed put and being the creep he is, just directs his gaze to the brunette laid in front of him.   
  


“Cut!” Hyun shouts from the waiting area, staring at a computer screen connected to the cameras. “Good, Minhyuk—let’s do the scene now, yeah?”  
  


Minhyuk nods as he stands up. At this moment, Hyungwon opens his eyes and suddenly lamented loudly, "The water is super collllld," which earned a laugh from those who heard it.  
  


"Shut up, I'm literally freezing," the brunette laughs out, as Minhyuk waits for his cue from Hyun to be in his next position. The director goes over a few more things with the crew, and his heart leaps in his chest.   
  


Minhyuk feels a little sick, but he doesn't say anything.  
  


"Let's go," Hyun calls out, breaking the blond off his chain of thoughts, and the latter ignores the way Hyungwon looks at him with concern (he can fucking feel it, and it's burning his heart) as he starts removing his feet off his shoes without saying anything– without even acknowledging Hyun openly.   
  


"Are you okay?" the tinge of concern is evident in Hyungwon's voice, and Minhyuk nods.  
  


“I’m fine, don’t worry,” he reassures his best friend with his signature dazzling smile, and he seems more relieved by that.  
  


At this point, Minhyuk figures the other members will finally stop bugging him after he sets foot right into that fucking tub. Some of the crew came along to support him as he tries to freaking lay down– on top of his crush– without slipping and injuring Hyungwon.  
  


Silence yet prevails upon the members who were still watching, and the blond knows, deep inside, their patience was hanging at the end of a cliff. Minhyuk slowly lowers his body on top of Hyungwon's– just like they had done the other day– and he still feels his heart pounding in his chest; ringing in his ears. He makes himself comfortable, actually resting his head in the crook of Hyungwon's neck, and the both of them go on to interlock their hands for this scene. The brunette laughs teasingly when the blond shudders at the temperature of the water.  
  


"Alright, we will make this as fast as possible, you know what to do, Minhyuk. Action!"  
  


The duo in the tub, with closed eyes, hears cameras rolling over again, this time a further distance from them. It was silent for a while before Minhyuk could hear Wonho snicker softly: "So this was what they've been hiding? That they're in love with each other?" Changkyun afterwards adds, "I would believe it if you told me that even without watching this."  
  


The blond feels his face flush, and the next segment goes by in a blur.  
  


Hyun calls for Hyungwon to tighten his grip on Minhyuk's hand, and the brunette does. The blond tries to hold his breath, ignore the way his heart was racing at the skin-on-skin contact he has with his crush, until he hears Hyungwon calling him. Oh so softly.   
  


"Minhyuk-ah?"  
  


Minhyuk wants to turn his head to look at him, but Hyun hasn't cued to stop shooting yet.   
  


"Yes?" he responds in the most discreet way possible.  
  


"I love you."


	7. all in

Minhyuk takes a moment to digest what the motherfucking person he was in love with, had just confessed to him.

Fuck. _Fuck seeds._ There's a fucking _forest_ of elation sprouting up in Minhyuk's chest. He’s surprised his skin isn’t fucking glowing after hearing Hyungwon—Hyungwon, Hyungwon, his Hyungwon, the Hyungwon he’s wanted and needed and loved for what feels like his entire fucking life—admit to having feelings for him. The thought that Hyungwon’s been in the same boat as him for all this time, wanting what he couldn’t have, longing for something just barely out of his grasp, is overwhelming.

But then Hyungwon’s fucking taking it back like he’s reading Minhyuk’s silence as rejection: “B-But I know you said you wouldn’t risk our friendship for anything, and neither would I, so if you, like, don’t feel like this and I was just fooling myself, that’s-that’s fine too, I’ll just live with it—”

"Cut!" Hyun calls out, clapping his hands loudly afterwards. "That's a wrap for this scene! Let's pack up and head to the last location for the video! Let's end strong, boys!"

There's furious scrambling amongst everyone right after, and when Minhyuk finally opens his eyes, he sees a pale Hyungwon below him, eyes filled with nervousness, anxiety; it reminds the blond all too much of the nightmare the previous night. 

"I'm sorry," Hyungwon whispers softly to him, and the latter just combusts in his own overwhelming emotions, getting out of the bathtub carefully but fast enough to distract himself from what's in his head and chest. 

No one says anything, only helping each other get out of the tub, and once Hyungwon was out (and shivering), Minhyuk deadpans "I'll find you again in five minutes" to the brunet, and instantly regrets saying that in a cold tone as the latter starts to look even more somber, but he musters the courage to turn away and walk to Hyun.

Minhyuk informs Hyun that he has to sort "things" out with Hyungwon and will join the rest in about twenty minutes, and he obliges. At this, the blond quickly grabs the spare clothes he and Hyungwon brought to change into after the scene, and runs back to the filming location.

The crew were already leaving, only two left to take care of the freezing Hyungwon as his eyes were cast down, unlooking as he wiped the water on his body with a towel. The blond dismisses the crew members and passes Hyungwon his set of clothes, and he mumbles a thanks.

Minhyuk was scared. He was scared of hurting Hyungwon— actually, he's already done it because he gave him a cold shoulder after he confessed to him— but he didn't know how to express his love back for him. He wasn't good with speaking his thoughts, ever since that case where netizens thought he was making a negative comment about Block B's Zico. That ruined his entire week, and even the love of his life could hardly cheer him up during that period.

_No, no, fuck no, I'm not losing this already,_ the blond was repeating to himself in his head, and he can't help it when he grabs his best friend's arm roughly and drags him towards the nearest wall in the room.

He presses Hyungwon against the quaint, gray wall and wedges himself in front of him, hands now fisted in the front of the brunet's shirt. They’re pressed together from knees to chest and Minhyuk’s glad they’re out of sight of any circumstantial passers-by, because this position would be hard to explain. He can feel how hard Hyungwon’s heart is pulsing— can see it fluttering in his neck like a trapped bird— and he knows he’s panting himself, but that’s because he feels like he’s suffocating under the weight of this monumental revelation. He stares into Hyungwon’s russet eyes, studying intently, searching for any signs of deception or teasing because he needs, he needs to know if Hyungwon means it.

Ignoring the stunned but mildly heated look on the taller male’s face less than a foot away from his own, Minhyuk breathes out hoarsely, “You’re weren't fucking with me, were you?”

Hyungwon, breathless, simply shakes his head. Minhyuk watches in awe as the brunet flicks his eyes down to stare at Minhyuk's slightly parted lips, and his tongue darts out to swipe over his own. His hips shift a little where they’re pressed awkwardly against Minhyuk’s and he sucks in a quick gasp of breath at the friction, eyelids fluttering.

“Fuck,” Minhyuk chokes out in utter disbelief, because Hyungwon isn’t lying. “Fucking fuck, Hyungwon, oh my god.” All of a sudden he’s huffing out a relieved laugh as he closes his eyes and tilts his head down to press their foreheads together. He’s hyperventilating and smiling so hard he thinks his face is gonna break in half, and when he opens his eyes, he sees that Hyungwon’s smiling too, but it looks a little melancholic.

“I shouldn't have left you alone last night,” he murmurs, so quiet Minhyuk can barely hear it. “You were alone again and you probably thought it was your fault, but it wasn’t. I just got scared.”

Minhyuk’s heart is aching. “Scared of what?” he asks, equally quiet.

Hyungwon swallows hard and glances at Minhyuk’s mouth again. “Scared that if I didn’t leave, I wouldn’t stop until...” Another, more deliberate hip movement reveals that, hello, something interesting is going on in Hyungwon’s pants, and Lee fucking Minhyuk caused it. Warmth spreads through Minhyuk’s stomach at that knowledge and he leans more of his weight against his best friend, working up the courage to grind forward once, teasingly while a smirk pulls at the corner of his lips. Hyungwon’s eyes drop closed and he bites his lip, breath hitching. There’s a tiny wrinkle of concentration between his eyebrows and a soft blush is rising in his pale cheeks and Minhyuk couldn’t stop staring at him if he were blind.

“Hyungwon,” Minhyuk whispers, his breath fanning out over Hyungwon’s face as he draws out the two syllables. There’s so much he wants to say, so many lyrics and lines of incoherent emo bullshit that he’s scrawled and left at the back of his mind for years, but all he can get out is, “You have no fucking clue how bad I wanna get down on my knees for you right here.”

Hyungwon whines deep in his throat at this and Minhyuk feels the bulge in those tight jeans twitch. 

He feels an answering one in his own— Hyungwon’s noises are just as beautiful, if not a little more desperate, as they’d been yesterday— and inhales sharply through his nose. “But if I did, we’d really fuck up our schedule, I think,” he finishes, voice tense.

“I know,” Hyungwon replies, but there’s a desperate edge to his voice that says he really wishes Minhyuk were wrong.

“So let’s just get this shit over with. Alright? And then...” Minhyuk just barely brushes his lips against Hyungwon’s and slides his hands slowly down Hyungwon’s broad chest until he’s slipping his calloused fingers between the singer’s warm, soft skin and the waistband of his pants. “...we’ll go back to the dorm, and I’ll—”

“Stop, stop, don’t,” Hyungwon blurts, grabbing Minhyuk’s wrists and halting their migration towards his ass. His eyes crack open and he turns his face away from Minhyuk’s, presumably to prevent himself from sticking his tongue down Minhyuk’s throat. He’s breathless and flushed bright red, shaking with the effort of holding himself back and looking so wanton it’s nearly pornographic. “We can do whatever the fuck you want when we get back to our room, I promise, but for god’s sake, you— you can’t fucking describe it here. I wouldn’t— I– I can’t—”

He’s clawing at Minhyuk’s arms and Minhyuk gently shushes him and grabs his hands, tangling their fingers together. He relaxes backwards to give them both some room to breathe. “Sorry,” he says sheepishly, but he knows he’s smirking. He’d had no idea something as simple as his words could have this kind of effect on Hyungwon— he wonders if this is a new development or if it’s something Hyungwon’s always had to deal with. He finds the second possibility slightly hotter than the first.

Hyungwon just shakes his head at Minhyuk fondly. He looks flustered and a little embarrassed, but there’s a small, genuine smile on his lips. “Just save it for later, alright?”

Minhyuk nods, pecks him on the nose (because he has to kiss him somewhere; it’s a physical need), and starts to nudge them both out of the old house. “Let’s go gross out our groupmates.”

“Good plan.”

 

* * *

  
  
Minhyuk and Hyungwon join the rest of the crew right afterwards, huge smiles plastered on their faces and they ignore the looks of suspicion the others members give them. However, Hyun doesn't notice this, and proceeds with going through everything that was needed to be done for the last scene to ensure that everything goes smoothly. 

It was the scene where all of the action in the video would come to its resolution, Minhyuk recalls from the script, and he finally felt relieved ever since the day he flipped open that goddamn booklet. Not only was he exhausted from all of the travelling (he was bus-sick at this moment), but he could finally abandon all of his emo thoughts and the sadness in his heart. The person he loves loves him back. Isn't that a bit of a miracle?

Nothing special happens during the filming— everyone is into serious mode, determined to finish as soon as possible so they could get an early rest for the day. The shots were taken perfectly, Hyun did not have to speak so much and Minhyuk noticed he nodded his head in approval for majority of the filming. When Hyun commands, "Pretend to look forty-five degrees upwards; imagine there's a mysterious figure over there, like what I had briefed you guys just now." 

Cameramen run to film the members at a closer angle, purple lights were dimmed onto the filming area and it looked ethereal. The platinum blond-haired male wished he could look at Hyungwon at the moment.

"Keep staring, keep staring, look intrigued," Hyun continued instructing. This goes on for a while more, silence falling over again due to the lack of dialogue both in the filming and outside of it. The director looks at the screens for a while more, before concluding: "I think that's a wrap, everyone! Thank you for working hard!"

Monsta X immediately bowed to everyone else that wasn't themselves, chanting "You've worked hard" like a sort of a mantra; Minhyuk and Hyungwon deliberately avoided each other to save their own wishes for the last,  and they couldn't hold back laughs when they approached each other at the same time. The blond witnesses Hyungwon's eyes crinkling when he truly laughs— a sight he's been in love with for a long time, and flips out in his head. They ignore the fact that they had just confessed to each hour nearly two hours ago, and bowed towards each other routinuously.  

And then they’re staring at each other, bashful but giddy, and everything else around them sort of fades into the background until a voice is exclaiming loudly from behind them, “That was it?”

Minhyuk turns back and finds a very confused Shin Wonho beside them, looking at them for an explanation. “Uh…” he tries, but he’s cut off by Jooheon.

“Dude, I thought it was, like, something serious like Hyungwon having to drown, but they kept fuckin’ rolling with you on top of him!” The rapper grabs Minhyuk’s shoulder and turns him back around to face him. He looks completely befuddled; Minhyuk might actually laugh at him. “That was the big secret? You two being gay and holding hands in a confined space?”

“We thought it might surprise you a little, so we just didn’t say anything,” Hyungwon pipes up quietly. The other members who had already turned up, looked at him. He shrugs in response. “We thought if we just sorta did it without notice, it would be, I don't know… easier?”

“Plus, we needed really good surprised looks from you guys,” Minhyuk interjects jokingly. “Pretty sure we got those.”

“Yeah,” Hyungwon chuckles, eyes squinting. Minhyuk can’t look away.

They keep staring at each other, smiling dumbly, until Changkyun snaps them out of it with a wry, “Something you two wanna tell us?”

“Have you finally sorted out all that suffocating sexual tension, or do you still need a nudge?” Wonho asks.

Minhyuk’s words catch in his throat as he opens his mouth to respond, but as always, Hyungwon ends up being his voice: “Yeah, I… really think we have.” He turns to smile ever-so-sweetly at Minhyuk and reaches for his hand; tangles their fingers together, ignoring the thin layer of sweat coating them. Minhyuk feels his face heating up, but he smiles right back. _I must be dreaming._

Their groupmates stare at them for several long seconds, then at each other. After an intense silent deliberation consisting only of eyebrow raises and small shrugs, they finally reach a decision. Shownu looks between his friends and just announces, “It’s about fucking time.”

Before either of them can respond, Kihyun adds, “You two do whatever the hell you want, just keep it out of public areas.”

“Like the van.”

“And backstage.”

“And the living room.”

“And the—”

“Alright, sheesh, we get the picture!” Hyungwon cuts off and covers his scarlet face with his free hand. Minhyuk giggles— actually fucking  _giggles, damn it_ — at how cute he is.

“Yeah, we’ll make sure to preserve your precious innocence,” the blond says. “But… make sure to knock on the rooms from now on, lest you walk in on… activities.” He winks at Hyungwon, and the younger man’s flush deepens.

“Oh, fuck, shut up!” Jooheon’s face twists in horror and he turns to bury his face in Changkyun’s shoulder. “Tell them to stop, Hyunwoo!”

“I don’t think we’ll be stopping anytime soon.” Minhyuk squeezes Hyungwon’s hand and feels an answering squeeze seconds later.

Hyungwon’s just about beside himself with embarrassment, so he tries to change the subject. He’s pulling at his sweat-soaked shirt with his nose wrinkled in disgust. “God, I gotta change.”

“I’ll help,” Minhyuk offers, and tugs him to his feet. They head off to the costuming trailer together, shoulders deliberately brushing, and Minhyuk can’t help but grin at the fucking amazing day he’s had so far.

If he gropes Hyungwon’s ass just to hear the others’ horrified yelps, well... He can’t be blamed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand this is it, c: Thank you all for the support and i'm super grateful for it; the next chapter will be pure smut lol but omg it's been fun writing this, and i have more hyunghyuk fics coming up so stay tuned. also, if you'd like to yell about hyunghyuk with me, hmu on Twitter @hyukify. thanks once again, <3


	8. crawling into bed with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut, smutsmut.

It’s past nine p.m., Minhyuk and Hyungwon had just finished a slightly awkward bus ride with their groupmates (to be honest, not awkward because they didn't want to break the silence formed by the other sleeping members). They’re in the elevator headed up to their dorm, staring straight ahead at the doors, a distance away from each other. Their manager, crew, and the other members had gone for dinner, the members mainly excusing themselves from the soon-to-be couple that was currently avoiding each other's gaze.

 

Changkyun's "Don't take too long!" was echoing at the back of Minhyuk's mind, and the latter would laugh out loud to himself if the situation wasn't awkward at the moment.

 

There’s an awkward, heavy silence draped over them in the small space, but Minhyuk’s sure the pounding of his heart can be heard when he glances quickly over at Hyungwon; the taller man has his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans and there’s a tangible anxiousness rolling off him in waves as he watches the red number above the door climb towards their dorm level.

 

Minhyuk swallows hard. “Um,” he stammers tentatively, “So— What are we going to—?”

 

“Minhyuk, let's...” Hyungwon closes his eyes and takes a deep breath through his nose. After a long pause, he says, “Go to the dorm first, alright?”

 

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Minhyuk rambles, turning to face the doors again. He ignores the way his stomach feels like it’s sinking back down to the lobby and keeps quiet for the rest of the short ride, feeling douchey for always talking.

 

The exit the elevator towards their dorm and opens the door. Once they’re both in the apartment, Minhyuk flicks on the lights and kicks off his shoes and cautiously meanders over to Hyungwon's room where the brunet was shucking his jacket onto the coat rack and dropping his glasses onto his bedside table. He climbs up onto his bunk and motions for the blond to follow.

 

Minhyuk obeys and follows after him, clambering into the space Hyungwon shifted to the side for. They aren't facing each other—the blond presses his chest against Hyungwon’s back and loops his arms around Hyungwon’s middle. Propping his chin up on the brunet’s left shoulder, Minhyuk whispers in his ear, “We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, 'Won. Hell, we don’t have to do anything at all, if that’s what you want. I’m happy to just finally spend personal time with you— I always have been.”

 

 _Well, apart from the sex dreams, the pining and the way I want to strip you down to your fucking skeleton and just ravish every inch of your skin until you’re screaming my name. But we’ll ignore that for now._ This is all on Hyungwon, and Minhyuk won’t cross any line that’s drawn no matter how much he wants to.

 

Hyungwon heaves a deep sigh and slowly turns in Minhyuk’s arms. When they’re facing each other, he brings his arms up to rest on Minhyuk’s shoulders, crossing his wrists behind Minhyuk’s head. He meets the shorter man’s eyes and quirks a tiny, heart-melting grin. “I just...” he starts, trailing off when his fingers find their way into Minhyuk’s bleached curls. “I probably seemed pretty confident earlier, but the truth is, I– I’ve never done anything, like this, with anyone before.”

 

“Don't worry,” Minhyuk reassures the brunet, bringing a hand out to stroke Hyungwon's hair. "I've watched enough things to know how to get you into it."

 

Kissing Hyungwon standing up, Minhyuk soon discovers, is just as delightful as kissing him lying down. But when Hyungwon tugs at his hair and tilts his head and swirls his tongue into Minhyuk’s mouth without an inkling of warning, Minhyuk figures any version of kissing Hyungwon would be pretty fucking perfect, because it’s Hyungwon. They're lying down, kissing and panting and trying to melt together to become one being with two rapidly-beating hearts, for what feels like hours until Hyungwon’s fidgety fingers slip down Minhyuk’s sides and start rucking up the hem of his T-shirt. Minhyuk sighs into his best friend’s mouth as he feels a pair of warm hands skimming over the skin of his lower back. They’re not hurried or rushed, just touching and feeling, just exploring, and it feels like heaven. Callouses trace blindly over Minhyuk’s back, like Hyungwon has the exact location of every bone on Minhyuk’s body memorized, and Minhyuk’s not sure if it’s the touch or the thought that makes him shiver.

 

The need for skin-on-skin contact becomes demanding and immediate quite soon after this. Minhyuk reluctantly breaks the kiss and leans back, raising his arms over his head. Hyungwon’s eyes darken on the spot and he swipes his tongue over his swollen lips as he grabs the bottom of Minhyuk’s shirt and tugs it over his head, leaving him with a sea of pale, clean skin to explore.

 

 Minhyuk can’t count how many times Hyungwon’s seen him shirtless. There were times during predebut days when he’d offer to pay Minhyuk actual money to “put a damn shirt on like a normal human being, you don’t even got abs yet, holy shit”. But from the way the singer is looking at him now, the weight of his gaze almost like a second pair of hands tracing and caressing every area of skin and every curve of muscle, you’d think it was completely new territory for him. He reaches out one shaking hand and carefully strokes over Minhyuk’s left collarbone, and Minhyuk leans into the touch encouragingly, letting his eyes drop closed. Hyungwon becomes more confident then, and it’s not long before he’s gripping Minhyuk’s hipbones and digging his thumbs in while tracing the latter’s collarbone with his tongue and teeth.

 

“Hyungwon,” Minhyuk gasps, tugging his friend closer and tilting his head back. Hyungwon hums against his shoulder and nips gently. “Fucking shit, Hyungwon, I—” A sudden swipe of tongue over a nipple shuts him up, and he should be embarrassed by the whine that emits from his throat, but he couldn’t give a shit right now. He’s getting hard faster than he ever has in his life because Chae Hyungwon and his fucking illegal mouth are molesting him— he doesn’t have time for any second thoughts.

 

“Should’ve done this years ago,” Hyungwon mutters against the skin of Minhyuk’s chest. He drags his nails down Minhyuk’s ribs and moves his mouth back up to the juncture of Minhyuk’s neck and shoulder. “Thought about it, wanted it, but I was too cowardly, too insecure, I couldn’t—”

 

Minhyuk grabs a fistful of his hair and tugs him up to kiss the breath out of him. “Doesn’t matter anymore,” he gasps against Hyungwon’s cheek when he can no longer ignore his lungs screaming for oxygen. “We’re here, we got here, and we’ve finally got our shit together. So, stop second-guessing yourself and trust this, okay?”

 

Hyungwon pulls back a little to look at him, and a few seconds later, the final shields fall from his eyes and it’s like he’s a different person. “I do,” he murmurs, “I always have,” and he leans back in.

 

Minhyuk falls into him and basically tries to climb into Hyungwon’s body through his mouth, but eventually he settles for just tasting him and letting himself be tasted in turn. There’s a taste of the brunet’s coffee on Hyungwon’s tongue, and Minhyuk can’t get enough of it. Without his explicit permission, his hands wander to the hem of Hyungwon’s shirt and start fiddling with it. The kiss breaks off, leaving both of them breathless but maybe for different reasons.

 

Their foreheads knock together and Minhyuk looks down at his crush through lidded eyes. Hyungwon’s are closed, and he’s biting that plump lower lip as he breathes heavily through his nose. Hyungwon pauses, straightens his back, and looks up at Minhyuk like Minhyuk holds the galaxy in his eyes. With one final deep breath, he slowly brings up his arms and nods.

 

Minhyuk kisses him, unspeakably proud, and removes the brunet's shirt. He’s left with an endless expanse of gorgeous porcelain skin and he feels like the luckiest person on the fucking planet. He can’t help it when his hands immediately migrate to Hyungwon’s sides and he dares to squeeze the flesh just above those deadly hips.

 

Hyungwon lets the blond have his fun. He tilts his head back and slides one of his hands up Minhyuk’s back till it’s tangled in Minhyuk’s bleached hair, and his eyes squeeze shut when the blond’s mouth finds a sensitive spot just under the bolt of his jaw. “O-Oh!” he gasps in surprise, and his hips hitch forwards of their own accord.

 

Minhyuk laughs low in his throat; Hyungwon can feel the devious smirk against his skin. “Sensitive neck, hm?” the older man asks, nipping gently.

 

“M-Maybe,” Hyungwon grits out. His toes curl a little when Minhyuk starts marching kisses from that spot to another one at the base of his neck, and he can’t help but grind forwards against Minhyuk’s leg. “God, Minhyuk, that–  that’s perfect.”

 

“You’re perfect,” Minhyuk murmurs, pulling back to look at him. “You’re perfect and beautiful and talented and just absolutely incredible, I can’t…” His voice trails off and he just stares at Hyungwon in awe for a few seconds before rolling himself on top of the taller man. He runs his hands lightly over Hyungwon’s broad chest, tweaking his nipples subconsciously with his fingertips. “I– I can’t believe this is real,” he finishes finally, voice quiet.

 

Hyungwon smiles up at him reassuringly, reaching up to caress his pale cheek. “It’s real, Minhyuk,” he whispers, tugging him down for a quick kiss. “It’s real, and it’s amazing, and I feel— you can’t imagine the things I feel for you.”

 

“I think I can,” Minhyuk replies. His eyes are wide and glistening and the smile on his face is one Hyungwon hasn’t seen before—it’s tiny, barely there, but it’s so joyful and full of adoration that Hyungwon’s heart swells. Minhyuk glances away from him for a moment, then meets his eyes again, biting his bottom lip. “Hyungwon, I… I really love you.”

 

The singer had seen that coming—he’d almost said it himself that night— but it still makes his soul glow. “I love you too, Minhyuk,” he says, and he’s never meant anything more in his entire life. “I love you so much. It…It almost scares me, how intense it is, but—I don’t care. I just—”

 

Minhyuk cuts him off with a deep, borderline filthy kiss. “Don’t be scared,” he breathes into Hyungwon’s mouth. “I’ve got you. I’ve always got you, and I love you, and I’m gonna blow you now.”

 

“I lo— wait, you’re gonna—?” Hyungwon barely has time to think before Minhyuk’s slithering down his body, trailing kisses from the side of his neck to his chest to his stomach to his hips to his— “Ohmyfucking—Minhyuk!”

 

“I’ve barely touched you yet,” Minhyuk says, amused, as he jacks Hyungwon’s rapidly-hardening cock in his pants with short, quick strokes. His breath is fanning over the head in a horribly teasing way and it makes Hyungwon’s hips twitch off the mattress.

 

Hyungwon pushes himself up onto his elbows so he can see this image properly: Minhyuk’s crouched between his spread legs, looking up at him with dark eyes and a wicked smile, and his perfect lips are fucking centimeters away from Hyungwon’s dick. It’s like something out of his best fantasy, only it’s real. And Hyungwon has a feeling this isn’t even the last time he’s gonna see it. “Holy shit,” he pants, feeling a deep blush spreading from his cheeks down his chest. “M–Minhyuk, you— you don’t have to.”

 

 _Wait, what? Shut the fuck up, what are you saying?_ Minhyuk barks out a laugh and drops his gaze to Hyungwon’s hard cock slipping through his fist. He licks his lips almost hungrily. “The thing is,” he says, and his voice has gotten a few octaves lower and his eyes have darkened even more and holy fuck he’s the hottest thing Hyungwon’s ever seen, “I really fucking do.”

 

The brunet’s pants are removed quickly, and with that, he takes a deep breath and sucks Hyungwon’s entire cock into his mouth.

 

Hyungwon doesn’t even try to keep from shouting. “Oh—oh! Hyung, shit!” His hands fly to Minhyuk’s head and his fingers tangle in that short bleached hair as Hyungwon holds on for dear life. He throws his head back against his pillow and shuts his eyes tightly, trying desperately not to fuck Minhyuk’s throat raw. “Nngh, Minhyuk, fuck!” After a moment, he forces himself to watch, needing to burn this image into his memory forever.

 

Minhyuk hums around his mouthful and closes his eyes in rapture like it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted. He’s bobbing his head in a torturously slow rhythm, sucking perfectly, swirling his tongue against every fucking vein he can find, and Hyungwon has pretty much accepted by now that he is going to die with his dick in Lee Minhyuk’s mouth. One of Minhyuk’s hands is gripping the base of Hyungwon’s cock, squeezing gently in time with his head movements, and the other is toying with his balls and skimming his fingertips over the soft skin just behind them. All these sensations are very nearly overwhelming, and Hyungwon pulls on the blond's hair and whines low in his throat as he tries to keep a grip on his control.

 

This goes on for several minutes until Hyungwon feels something hot and electric uncurling in his gut. He suddenly needs something else, something more, and he’s a little frightened—he’s never wanted this before. But Minhyuk… Minhyuk awakens something in him, an animalistic need that’s both foreign and intriguing to him. Gasping, he yanks on Minhyuk’s hair until the blond pulls off his cock with a wet pop and looks up at him in confusion. “What?”

 

Hyungwon takes a moment to admire Minhyuk’s swollen, spit-slick lips and red face before stuttering, “I… I- I want—” But he can’t finish. Biting his lip, he looks down at Minhyuk pleadingly, hoping Minhyuk can read his mind like always.

 

Minhyuk stares at him quizzically, brow furrowed, until his eyes widen in realization. “You mean…?” Slowly, hesitantly, he moves his fingertips further back behind Hyungwon’s balls until they’re skimming across a part of Hyungwon no one has ever touched before.

 

“Hnn, y-yes.” Hyungwon’s eyes fall closed again and he cants his hips into Minhyuk’s touch.

 

Minhyuk presses there a little more firmly. “Have you ever…y’know…even by yourself?”

 

“No.” The singer shakes his head and opens his eyes again. His whole body feels like it’s overheating as he meets Minhyuk’s dark gaze. “But I... I want you to.”

 

“Holy shit,” Minhyuk mutters, burying his face in Hyungwon’s hip. “Oh my god, Hyungwon, you’re so—yes. Yeah, I’ll fucking— we’re doing this. Okay.” He takes a deep breath and sits back up on the bed, looking around the room frantically. "Where is it—?”

 

“Near the corner,” Hyungwon supplies, waving a hand vaguely in the direction. Minhyuk immediately leaps off the bunk and sprints, completely nude, to wherever the brunet was gesturing at; Hyungwon can’t help but laugh at the sight. A moment later his amusement turns to lust, however; he wraps a hand around himself and bites his lip as Minhyuk bends over and shows off his delectable ass. “God, you’re beautiful,” he calls out hoarsely. He can’t believe someone like Minhyuk would deign to be with someone like him. All these years, that was the biggest thing holding Hyungwon back from making a move on Minhyuk—he didn’t think His Almost Lifelong Crush would even consider him as a potential boyfriend, let alone pine after him for four years. This whole situation seems too good to be true, and a flare of anxiety suddenly ignites in Hyungwon’s chest.

 

But then Minhyuk shoots a smirk over his shoulder and wiggles his hips enticingly, and just like that, all Hyungwon’s worries disappear. “All yours, babe,” the blond says with a wink, then returns to his hunt. Finally he comes up victorious, holding a small tube of lube in his hand and jogging back up to Hyungwon's bed.

 

“You’ll be gentle with me, won’t you?” Hyungwon asks innocently, trying not to smile as Minhyuk settles back between his legs.

 

Minhyuk bends down and kisses the side of Hyungwon’s knee, his inner thigh, the joint of his hip, and the base of his cock. “I won’t break you,” he whispers, and his warm breath makes goosebumps break out over Hyungwon’s sensitive skin. “It's been awhile since I’ve watched those videos, but. I remember how it goes.”

 

Hyungwon tries to ignore the quick pang of jealousy he feels at that statement. “Hope so,” he grouses. “Then again, I don’t really have anything to compare it to, so no matter what it’s gonna be the best I’ve ever had.”

 

Minhyuk chuckles darkly and crawls up Hyungwon’s body to kiss him slow and soft, mapping out the inside of Hyungwon’s mouth with his tongue. “Promise it’ll be good for you,” he breathes into the singer’s mouth. “I’ll go slow. Tell me if anything hurts, and I’ll stop right away.”

 

Nodding, Hyungwon breaks the kiss and knocks their foreheads together. He inhales deeply and blows it out through his nose, blinking his eyes open to meet Minhyuk’s. “I trust you,” he murmurs.

 

Minhyuk smiles at him and kisses him one last time. “Love you,” he says against the younger man’s lips. He marches kisses from Hyungwon’s jaw down to his hips, then sits back on his haunches and uncaps the lube, drizzling a generous amount onto his fingers. “I’ll start with one, okay? It’s probably gonna burn a little. If you can’t stand it, tell me.”

 

Hyungwon nods again, then lies back against his pillow, trying to relax. He lets his legs fall further open and shifts his hips a little closer to Minhyuk, thighs trembling with anticipation. He watches as Minhyuk leans in towards his cock and sucks just the head into his mouth—obviously a distraction to keep Hyungwon’s mind off the tip of one cold, slick finger prodding carefully at his entrance. Hyungwon whimpers at the contrasting sensations and grips the sheets loosely in his fists.

 

Soon that finger slips inside him to the first knuckle, and he can’t help but clench around it, gasping.

 

“Relax,” Minhyuk whispers as he pulls off Hyungwon’s dick. “It’s okay.” He licks at the underside lightly as he pulls his finger out, then carefully pushes it back in, a little further this time. “Tell me how you feel.”

 

“Minhyuk,” Hyungwon whimpers as the older man starts sucking him again. He tightens his hold on the bedding and lets his head fall back a little. “Feels… weird, kind of cold, but— bbut your fucking mouth, oh my god…”

 

“Glad you like it.” Minhyuk kisses his hipbone and pushes his finger in further and further until it’s completely in to the hilt. Hyungwon stiffens at the feeling, scrunching up his nose. This is just so fucking strange—Lee Minhyuk has his finger in Hyungwon’s ass. If only the fans knew about this.

 

Actually, no.

 

Minhyuk pumps his finger in and out a few times, eyes fixed on Hyungwon’s face. “How’s this feel?” he asks, seeming genuinely curious.

 

“…Still weird,” Hyungwon replies after a moment of consideration. “Burns a little, but not bad.” He bites his lip thoughtfully and rolls his hips downwards a little—which feels…interesting. “M-Maybe—add another one?”

 

Minhyuk smiles and nods. “Okay; deep breaths, alright?” With that, he pulls his finger completely out of Hyungwon— who feels suddenly, heart-achingly empty— before sliding two back in.

 

And— shit, two fingers is a lot different than one. Hyungwon throws his head back and groans through his teeth, muscles tensing at the stretch. He stays stock still as Minhyuk gingerly works him open; his cock has gone a little soft again from the mild pain, and he hopes he’s not one of those dudes who doesn’t get off on this. He wants to be good for Minhyuk, wants to like it, he just has to—

 

“W-Wait,” Hyungwon blurts when he feels Minhyuk’s fingers gently scissoring and crooking and… _wiggling_ inside him. God, that’s unusual. He pushes himself up on shaking arms to look down at his best friend. “What’re you—?”

 

“Just hold on,” Minhyuk tells him, face pinched in concentration as he moves his fingers in and out; his calloused fingertips are fucking probing Hyungwon’s most sensitive areas like Minhyuk’s searching for something— Hyungwon just feels like he has to shit.

 

He stares at Minhyuk in befuddlement as this continues for several long, mildly uncomfortable seconds. “Is there a point to this, or are you j— oh!”

 

Minhyuk can tell from Hyungwon’s stricken face that he’s hit something good. He grins and crooks his fingers to the left again; when he presses down ever-so-slightly, a wave of heat unlike anything Hyungwon’s ever felt rips through him with breathtaking intensity. “Oh god!” he cries, squeezing his eyes shut and jerking his hips downwards without meaning to. His half-soft cock twitches against his stomach and he feels his face reddening. “What— what is that, Minhyuk, oh shit, don’t— don’t fucking stop!”

 

“How’s it feel?” Minhyuk asks in a gritty, gravelly voice that Hyungwon’s never heard before. His fingers prod at that unbelievable spot with a musician's sense of rhythm and Hyungwon feels his cock starting to leak. “C’mon, ‘Won, talk to me, babe, is it good?”

 

“It—” Hyungwon yelps as Minhyuk works in a third finger with no warning, and—when did he start grinding back against Minhyuk’s hand? “Minhyuk, oh, Minhyuk, it’s s-so good, so fucking good, please…” His heart is pounding in his throat and he can’t breathe, can’t concentrate on anything but Minhyuk’s fingers fucking him, grazing that miraculous bundle of nerves on every other thrust. He’s whimpering and gasping like a cheap whore and he knows he should be embarrassed, but right now he really doesn’t care.

 

Minhyuk’s suddenly looming over him and he attaches his mouth to Hyungwon’s neck, biting and sucking and kissing as his fingers pick up the pace. Hyungwon brings his hands up to grip Minhyuk’s shoulders and he digs his short nails into them, heedless of the scratches he’s probably leaving on Minhyuk’s pale skin. He’s practically fucking himself down on Minhyuk’s fingers, gasping with every thrust, and Minhyuk’s mouth on his neck is almost too much for him to take. Before he knows it, he’s choking out, “Minhyuuuk, ah, fuck, please, please, I need—”

 

Those magic fingers grind to a halt and Hyungwon feels like crying. Minhyuk pushes himself up and stares down at him, breathless, licking his lips. After a moment, he starts moving his fingers again at a much slower pace. “What do you need?” he growls, staring down at Hyungwon like a predator.

 

The brunet swallows hard and meets that deadly gaze with one of his own. He can’t imagine how he looks right now, all sprawled out against the sheets, sweaty and pink and fucking wrecked—but Minhyuk’s looking at him with such hunger and lust that he has to let out a breathy moan.

 

“Say it,” Minhyuk rumbles, leaning in to brush his lips over Hyungwon’s in a devastatingly feather-light touch. He slams his fingers into Hyungwon and Hyungwon’s back arches off the bed as he moans.

 

“N-Need you inside me,” Hyungwon finally manages to say between heavy breaths. “Lee Minhyuk, I- I want you to fuck me.” He spreads his thighs shamelessly and grinds up against Minhyuk’s hard stomach; they both gasp when their cocks brush. “I need it, please.”

 

Minhyuk blinks, and all at once his dominant act slips away to reveal a more uncertain one. “You sure?” he asks, brushing some sweaty locks of hair off Hyungwon’s forehead. “I can get you off like this, too. We don’t have to—”

 

“The thing is,” Hyungwon says in an echo of Minhyuk’s words from earlier, “we really fucking do.” He grabs Minhyuk’s hips in a vice-like hold and pulls him impossibly closer, wrapping his legs around Minhyuk’s waist in an invitation. He blinks up at Minhyuk and bites his lip, still trying to catch his breath. “Please.”

 

The blond looks at him for a long moment before something flashes in his eyes and he kisses the breath out of Hyungwon for the umpteenth time that morning. “Okay,” he rasps, then sits up and pulls his fingers out of Hyungwon completely.

 

Hyungwon can’t help it when he whines at that loss. He thrusts desperately into empty air and watches Minhyuk squirt more lube into his palm. The older man slicks up his own cock with a few rough strokes, moaning softly at the feeling, before he braces himself on his elbows over Hyungwon and stares deep into his eyes.

 

Something warm and smooth and blunt and big presses against Hyungwon’s stretched entrance. “You ready?” Minhyuk inquires anxiously, biting his lip. He looks as nervous as Hyungwon feels.

 

Hyungwon just nods and tightens the circle of his legs around Minhyuk’s hips. He tangles his fingers in that bleached hair he’s come to adore and kisses Minhyuk softly. “Fuck me, Minhyuk,” he murmurs.

 

“Holy shit,” Minhyuk grunts, and he starts to press in. He buries his face in Hyungwon’s neck, panting hard as his cock (which is so much thicker than three fingers, oh fuck, oh god) sinks into Hyungwon.

 

“Fffffuck,” Hyungwon spits out at the end of a harsh gasp when Minhyuk finally bottoms out. He wraps his arms tightly around the blond’s strong shoulders and shuts his eyes, holding carefully still as he tries to adjust to the hot, solid length that’s now throbbing inside him. God, Minhyuk’s inside him— they’re closer than they’ve ever been, completely and utterly intertwined. Hyungwon’s dreamt of this moment for more than a decade, but he’d never even dared to hope that it would eventually happen. But here he is— here they are, together— on his own bed that he's been sleeping in for the past year and they’re sleepy and nervous and still a little sticky and gross from the sweat today, but it’s perfect. It’s absolutely perfect. Hyungwon wouldn’t want it any other way.

 

As Hyungwon tries to catch his breath and get used to the feeling of being so damn full, he realizes that Minhyuk’s trembling in his arms. The blond hasn’t made a single noise in almost thirty seconds; his face is pressed firmly against the sweat-slick skin of Hyungwon’s neck and his breaths are coming out in short staccato bursts. “Minhyuk?” Hyungwon asks timidly, and Minhyuk sniffs. “Minhyuk, something wrong?”

 

“I…” Minhyuk’s voice is so quiet, and it’s trembling just as much as his body. He chokes out a single sob and sniffs again. “I— Hyungwon…”

 

The singer loosens his hold around Minhyuk’s shoulders and pushes at them, urging Minhyuk to lean back. After a few seconds of hesitation, he does, and Hyungwon is stunned to see those beautiful whiskey-colored eyes shining with tears. The look on Minhyuk’s face is one of utter disbelief and awe, and as he blinks, his lips quiver and a pair of tears slip down his flushed cheeks. He’s staring down at Hyungwon like he can’t look away.

 

Hyungwon reaches up with one shaking hand and brushes the tears away with his thumb. “Minhyuk,” he murmurs, not quite sure what to say.

 

“Over four years,” Minhyuk chokes out. And just like that, Hyungwon gets it. More than that—he feels exactly the same way. All of a sudden his own eyes are overflowing as he gazes up at this beautiful, amazing, singular man, the only person he’s ever loved with his entire being.

 

“I know,” he says with a sniffle, and crying during sex? Really? Only Minhyuk could do this to him. Only Minhyuk could make him feel this special, this loved, this fucking wonderfully devastated.

 

Only Minhyuk.

 

“I love you,” Minhyuk gasps out, resting his forehead against Hyungwon’s. Their tears mingle as Minhyuk’s drip onto Hyungwon’s cheeks. “Love you so much, Hyungwon, I love you, god, fuck, I love you.”

 

Hyungwon is so choked up he can barely speak, but he forces words out of his closed throat anyway: “I love you too. Can’t even say how much. Couldn’t.” He kisses away the saline streaking Minhyuk’s cheeks and nuzzles his nose. “So incredible, so amazing, Minhyuk. I love you."

 

Minhyuk kisses him then, so sincerely and with such raw, honest devotion that Hyungwon feels his heart crack, shatter, and mend itself all within the span of ten seconds. “Love you,” he whispers one more time before leaning back, gazing into Hyungwon’s eyes as he pulls almost all the way out of him before slamming back in.

 

“Hnng! Minhyuk!” Hyungwon gasps, eyes falling shut at the feeling. The sentimentality of the last few minutes seems to have been replaced by lust, and Hyungwon’s not gonna complain.

 

Minhyuk drops his head back down into the crook of Hyungwon’s neck and does it again, this time swiveling his hips in a small circle. “O-Oh,” he moans, panting heavily. “So tight, fuck, ‘Won, not hurting you, am I?”

 

“Nooo,” Hyungwon groans out as Minhyuk works up a rhythm. He tosses his head back against his pillow and hugs Minhyuk against himself again. “It's fucking amazing, keep going—”

 

“Yeah,” Minhyuk gasps, and his hands curl into fists beside Hyungwon’s head as he pumps his hips.

 

“G-God,” Hyungwon says after a minute or so of this exquisite torture. He presses his lips to the shell of Minhyuk’s ear and clamps his thighs around Minhyuk’s waist. “Minhyuk, harder, f-fuck me harder, please!”

 

“Oh fuck!” Minhyuk cries out and pauses just long enough to grab a pillow from the other side of the bed and shove it under Hyungwon’s hips. When he resumes, he’s pounding into Hyungwon without reserve, switching up the angle as best he can.

 

Hyungwon starts pushing back against Minhyuk, meeting his movements, and at last they find the right angle. Minhyuk slams into Hyungwon’s prostate three times in a row, and Hyungwon can’t hold in the wanton cry of “Ohmygod, yes, right there!” He doesn’t give a damn about anyone else who is awake in this damn building— he’s getting the shit fucked out of him by Lee Minhyuk, and he’s gonna fucking let everyone in a ten-mile radius know it. “Yes, yes, yes, Minhyuk, yes!”

 

“God, Hyungwon," Minhyuk exclaims, pushing up to look down at his best friend. Hyungwon knows he’s probably a flushed, sweaty mess, but Minhyuk looks like he wants to devour him. Biting his lip, the blond moves his hands to the underside of Hyungwon’s thighs and unlocks them from around his waist— only to force them up and start fucking Hyungwon even harder, practically shaking the bed to pieces. His face twists beautifully and sweat shines in the hollow of his neck and he sobs out, “Hyungwon, Hyungwon, fuck—!”

 

Hyungwon’s not usually one for dirty talk—he doesn’t talk very coherently during sex at all, really—but Minhyuk’s just ripping it out of him. “Fuck me fuck me fuck me mark me own me Minhyuk Minhyuk Minhyuk!” He doesn’t even recognize his own voice as he begs and whines and sobs, praying out loud for bruises on his hips and thighs that he’ll be able to see and touch and cherish later.

 

“Mine,” Minhyuk growls in Hyungwon’s ear as he leans back down. He bites the skin over Hyungwon’s jaw and soothes the ache with his lips and tongue. “Hyungwon, Hyungwon, 'Won, you’re mine, you’re so fucking mine—”

 

“Yours,” Hyungwon rasps when Minhyuk hits that spot again, breathtakingly hard. “Always been yours, always, so f-fucking yours, oh, Minhyuk—”

 

“And I’m yours,” Minhyuk whispers, kissing his neck tenderly, in huge contrast to the brutal pace of his hips. “So yours. Fuck, Hyungwon, oh my god…”

 

In all this furor and passion, Hyungwon has almost completely forgotten his own dick, hard and blood-dark and weeping between their stomachs. He immediately remembers it, though, when he feels a strong, ruthless hand wrap around it and start stroking at a blinding pace. Minhyuk picks up his thrusts at the same time, and Hyungwon barely has enough sense in him to cry out, “Minhyuk, ‘m gonna—!” before he throws his head back, arches off the mattress, opens his mouth wide, and screams his way through the most intense orgasm of his life. His vision goes bright white as he writhes beneath Minhyuk and shoots thick white ropes all over their stomachs and chests, scratching red lines down Minhyuk’s back. It’s fucking indescribable.

 

The next thing Hyungwon knows, Minhyuk’s collapsing on top of him in a sweating, gasping, whimpering heap of flesh and endorphins. He feels jizz leaking out of his ass around Minhyuk’s softening cock— ew— but he can’t bring himself to care. Hell, he can’t even move, and it feels like Minhyuk’s in the same state.

 

"I love you, Hyungwon," the blond whispers.

 

His arms are as heavy as lead, but Hyungwon forces them up and around Minhyuk’s waist anyway, hugging him weakly. He closes his eyes and murmurs breathlessly, “Love you too, Minhyuk, love you so much.” He presses a kiss to Minhyuk’s temple and tries to get his breathing under control.

 

Several minutes pass before either of them can speak properly. The first one to do so is Minhyuk: he raises his head to look down at Hyungwon’s flushed face and says in a hoarse, nearly unrecognizable voice, “We still haven’t bathed.”

 

“God,” Hyungwon says, dropping his head back against the pillow and laughing deliriously. “Can’t believe that just happened, holy fuck.”

 

“Same,” Minhyuk says, chuckling himself, and rolls off of Hyungwon gracelessly. They lie on their backs side-by-side in the ruined sheets of Hyungwon's bed and at some point, their hands migrate and find each other in the mess. Hyungwon hooks his pinkie with Minhyuk’s and smiles at the ceiling.

 

“You’re wonderful, you know,” Minhyuk says softly after a minute or so of heavy breathing and contented silence. Hyungwon blushes and shrugs, scooting closer to him and resting his head on his shoulder.

 

“Wonder what they've got us for dinner.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not sure if anyone will notice, but "...sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me" is an actual lyric from fall out boy :D  
> thanks for reading and giving this fic so much love!


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